Sunday, June 28, 2009

a little bit scared.

I know what it's like and it's not easy....so this is to anyone who may be a little bit scared.
You say, "I can't always be brave".
That's okay, dear. You whisper that sometimes you're scared of what you will loose. Darling, don't be scared. It makes you're stomach ache and your mind go wild. Please don't cry sweetheart. Thinking about tomorrow is much too hard, but facing today can be even harder.
Just rest beautiful, its always okay in the end. Scared of what you may loose. Scared of what will become. Scared of reality that eats at your mind. It's okay to worry sometimes my friend. You'll miss them, I know. Cause change is hard on the human soul.
Love, hold tight to what is steady. It will get you through fear.
Listen to the music that brings you lovely memories.
Dear, tell your stomach not to worry and turn your eyes towards what is good.
Take a chance on what you want.
Hold very, very tight to what will sustain you.
It's okay, to be a little scared.

With love,

Kristen Ashlyn

Friday, June 26, 2009

a piece of everything.

{like clay}
In the beginning, we are all like beautifully sculpted, simple molds of clay. As time passes we come across different people in all sorts of situations, throughout various locations in the world. Some of these people will be a part of our lives for many years, maybe our whole entire lives. Others will come and go very quickly. This is the process in which we will one day be a completed masterpiece.

With every person, every being with character and personality that we interact with, there is a piece. A piece of what? It depends. It could be a piece of their story, their laugh, a tear, a smile, their beliefs...anything. It is a piece of whatever they are willing to give and whatever we will take.
To name a few...

{the old man}

Every day at work as I am opening up shop, an elderly man passes by on his morning walk. Without fail he waves with a warm hello, usually accompanied with a joke of sorts. He probably doesn't realize it, but I look forward to this every morning.

I don't know anything about this man or the life he has lived, but I know he is willing to share a small moment of it with me every morning. And I've taken a piece with me.

A piece of his simplicity.

{the teacher}

When I was sixteen years old, I had a Sunday school teacher that left an impression that has remained with me for all these years. Scholar, lawyer, mentor, father; I looked up to this person. I don't think he realized this, and he probably never will. This man was different from others. Many disagreed with his opinions, but he stood up for them with a voice that echoed clear with a cause.

I yearned for his confidence. And though he probably doesn't know it, I took a piece with me.

A piece of his voice, of his stength to stand tall.

{the girl on the bus}

One day in the 7th grade I was feeling very down about myself. Sitting on the bus, head down, desperately wishing I were in the comfort of my home. I heard a high pitched voice that seemed to be aimed at me, "You're very pretty." Hesitantly, I looked up to see a brown haired, bright eyed charming girl. "I'm sorry?" I asked, feeling confused. "I said," she repeated, "yooouuu are very pretty." Her smile was ridiculously contagious. I was warmly comforted by her words and her kindness.

I've never forgotten that bus ride. And though she's probably forgotten all about it....I took it with me, forever.

A piece of her charming warmth.

{the cousin}

My cousin Craig was always played the older brother I didn't have. Many summers were spent together swimming at the local rec center, having lemonade stands, and making countless home videos, ranging from fictional stories of the invention of toilet paper to top secret FBI missions. Not too long ago, he was married to a lovely young lady in the Los Angeles LDS Temple.

I protect and cherish memories with him. And I take them with me.

A piece of his laughter and optimism towards life.

{the papa}

Before my grandfather passed away, my family was able to visit him one last time. He had become noticeably older than I had remembered and seemed more frail. My heart ached.

One evening while walking to dinner, I offered Papa my arm. He gently took it and held on tightly. At that moment, I wanted more than anything just to tell him what he meant to me.

Sadly, it wasn't until I realized that I would soon loose him, that I saw how much I really loved him. And as my grandfather, he is a part of me. And I will take it with me always.

A piece of his love for family, his humor and his noble life.

{the 'and so it goes'}

And so, life goes on. People will always cross our paths. It's a beautiful process. We give to one another, sometimes without even realizing, however small or large it may be.

It's a piece of anything. A piece of everything.

With love,

Kristen Ashlyn

Friday, June 19, 2009

my fair lady.

I'm pretty sure every guy feels like Rex Harrison sometimes.



Yes men, we can be frustrating. Difficult to read. Hard to understand. Emotional without good reason. Illogical without a cause.
At least, I know I certainly can be.

But thanks for loving us. We love you.

With love,

Kristen

Thursday, June 11, 2009

a crazy little mixed up world

We've all heard about it. We've all felt it. Heck, we've all lived it every day of our lives...
This crazy little mixed up world.

Driving down the road listening to the radio and somehow, every song being played seems to be specifically addressing the relationship you are currently in. Tears fill your eyes.
Yes, somehow a memo was sent out to each individual radio station telling them to play every sappy, sad, pathetic love song that they possibly can during the brief twenty minute time period you will be traveling home.

It's a crazy little mixed up world.

Summertime comes, bathing suits are brought out and tan lines begin to appear.
The cold air finally packs it's bags to hit the road, when an early June chill/rain combination thinks it can vacation on your doorstep. So you're stuck inside for a week, hiding from the rain.
Hm....wishing you hadn't packed up all your winter clothes.

It's a crazy little mixed up world.

It's late at night and you are thinking about all three Back to the Future movies. A completely brilliant trilogy, but you're stuck wondering and tortured.
Thinking of whether or not life goes on for the others in the present, while Doc and Marty are in the past. Debating the technicality of the past now actually being the future. Because after all, they do go to the past in the future. Wait, what?

It's a crazy little mixed up world.

Watching Prison Break you realize that TV shows no longer have endings.
They go on, and they go on, and they (yes, you've got it) go on!
I had no idea people could physically experience so many things go horridly wrong in five minute intervals. And who would've of guessed that the plot could successfully thicken every seven minutes.

It's a crazy little mixed up world.

Contrary to my Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys 5th grade mentality. The pretty girl does not always solve the mystery and get everything she sets her heart on.
The smart and daring girl does not always end up with Mr. Everything. And sometimes, the bad dude's actually do win.
But I still hope for Nancy and Ned's happily ever after. And yours. And mine.

It's a crazy little mixed up world.

With crazy love,

Kristen Ashlyn

Monday, June 8, 2009

lovely, just lovely

It's been a lovely, lovely morning.

Today is my best friend's 21st birthday.
Time passes so quickly. We've been best friends since we were fifteen years old.
And I will dearly miss her for the next year and a half.

We began the morning by trying to get some pastries from a quaint little bakery downtown. Unfortunately there was an armed robbery of sorts, so we ended up enjoying some french toast and breakfast sandwiches at Kneaders. Num num!

Then I spent some time cleaning my kitchen.
I love that freshly cleaned kitchen feel. An aroma of bleach lingering in the air, the counters still a tad bit wet from being washed, and the sound of the dishwasher swishing away.
Just a little obsessive compulsive about my kitchen.

Nice day.

With love,
Kristen Ashlyn

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Make it good.

A couple nights ago I was reading through an old journal. Journal's are beautiful things to have. Reading over days, moments, and emotions past can be so magical and enlightening. It's a way to reconnect with yourself. I'm not very good at writing regularly, but for the times that I have been, I am grateful.

While reading I stumbled across some bad, emotional days when I wrote on and on about my troubles. Contrastingly, I came across days when I hardly wrote anything at all, but no matter the words, page after page, I felt the emotion and the reality of my life as it has passed.

To be honest, my life has worked out remarkably differently from my adolescent plans. Name the category and it'll be different. Don't get me wrong, my life has been blessed, protected, simple, and very uneventful compared to many lives, for which I am grateful, but I am no stranger to the road ahead taking unexpected turns. And during many of these plan alternations I have lingered in self-pity, complaining that it just isn't fair. But, it didn't get me anywhere.

Cause the truth of the matter is that there isn't some sort of signed contract or employee handbook promising fairness. Just as my dad used to tell me every time I would complain about something being unfair, "Kristen, life isn't fair. Just make it good."

He's right you know. I hated hearing it, but it's true. In the midst of handsome boyfriend combing my hair with his finger tips, the magical smell of rain in the summertime, the zing of icy cold pink lemonade, laughing aches during funny movies, very tall friends rhyming with me, and being silly with sisters, there are going to be things that aren't fair. And that's okay :)

Make it good.

With love,
Kristen

50 first dates....


Last night I watched 50 First Dates with a small group of friends. I had forgotten how funny that movie is! I was laughing like crazy. I highly recommend it.

I'm very grateful for friends. :) Friends are good.

With love,

Kristen Ashlyn

Monday, June 1, 2009

Oh what I would give...



Oh what I would give to see them back in 1979...
America, Classic Rock = my Heart.
With love,
Kristen Ashlyn