Friday, September 4, 2009

yes indeed.

paper tissue

I'm going to tell you a little something about growing up. Now, I obviously don't have kids. I'm not married, not making house payments or really taking care of anyone but myself...so I realize I don't know everything, but I do know a little, just a little...about growing up. When I was a kid I used to play house. I would clean and cook in the play kitchen, and dream about pretty houses and white dresses, and golden rings and wearing reading glasses... (I know, weird, but I used to 'pretend' I had bad eyesight. Ironic, because I now just wish I could go back to that 'pretending' phase and not actually be blind...hm.) Anyhow, I would dream about life as a grown up. It just seemed so simple. You grow up, you get married, have a family and just...be happy. I can just imagine all the feminists out there cringing at these words...but it's true, that's all I really wanted.

As I have become an adult....I realize that as a child I callously skipped over a rather large aspect of life: emotion. In order to grow up, you have to experience an insane amount of all-over-the-place, heart-pounding emotion. You have to cry. Oh yes, you have to cry. Sometimes, you'll even cry yourself to sleep. Yeah, even adults do that. At one point, you're going to have to be so lambently happy, that nothing--absolutely nothing--in the world is going to keep you from happiness again. It is yours, yours to keep. It's a beautiful feeling. Sadly, you will have your heart broken, in some way or another. Broken hearts may not be fixed easily. And you might have it crushed again and again...maybe even to the point you feel it is defective, but don't worry because it can be made whole again. I promise.

You're going to have rare but life changing moments that define who you are. Like the first time you realize that people are just people. You can walk into a room, and not know a single thing about any person there and yet, the room is at your command. You know why? Because you have that moment, when it just hits you...that you are just as remarkable, just as special as any of them. And you're going to own up to that. Or like the first time you truly fail. That is an overwhelming moment, but is to be had when growing up. And when you fail, you fall. But you'll get back up and begin skipping along, yes indeed. That's part of growing up too. And then there is that moment when you are really, really brave. You stand up for something or someone. You say the words you were scared to say before...you do what is noble. Maybe it's not that brave to someone else, but it's sure spunky to you. That is growing up.

You'll probably do crazy things. There will times when you just say things because you're dying to say them. It may be to the person standing next to you in the grocery line or the neighbor you don't really talk to. You'll make jokes that aren't funny, but you think they are good...so you laugh though no one else does. And you're cool with that. You might even buy special, fancy cleaning products that smell extra good, and you'll be dying all day to go home and use them. Mmm, and they do smell so great. And at times you'll see a beautiful week old baby boy...and you'll wish that you could just hold him so tight and never let this crazy little world hurt him. But at the same time, it's oh so beautiful. You want him to experience it all, in all its glory.

Yeah. That is what growing up is.

At least for me. :)

love,

kristen a.

3 comments:

  1. I love watching you grow up and develop your talents! You've become an incredible person.

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  2. Watching someone you love grow up is amazing! Seeing them discover who they are and what talents they have and more importantly, seeing them use those abilities and talents to make the world a better place! Thanks for sharing your beautiful thoughts with us!

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  3. What a beautifully written post.

    So, I have a secret confession to make...

    Today I went to a family party. Most of my cousins are newlyweds with little babies. I sat through the whole party trying to maintain this tough attitude of indifference toward marriage and babies, when in all reality I wanted nothing more than to take one of those adorable little guys home with me.

    Being single can be torture sometimes.

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from keen.