who am i?
who is this girl i am looking at in the mirror...the one with the eye infection and the small freckles?
the world sees a girl with blond hair, blue eyes (one of which is mostly red with infection at present)...its really just a face, a face like any other face in the crowd.
but see, that is where they are wrong. and today is the day when i tell the world who that girl is.
so world, if you gave me the choice i would like to have an endless supply of soft scrub bleach gel (preferably in the squirt bottle) and...frosted mini wheats.
my ideal day would begin with a deep clean of the kitchen, polished faucets, bleached counters, mopped walls (i feel a smidge of claustrophobia when i sense my walls are dirty), the swishing tune of the dishwasher working its magic and the sweet aroma of my thymes apricot quince all- purpose cleaner.
yes, i'm ocd about my kitchen being clean. and i'm not ashamed to admit that my vacuum cleaner is truly one of my best friends.
sometimes i wake up and i'm certain i was born at the wrong time in history. my passion for 70's country rock music, vintage dresses, and old-fashioned mannerisms leaves me questioning my place in today's world...
but at the same time, know i am who i am at this very time for a purpose that i just don't know yet. i'll just make sure the 70's rocks on until i take over the world.
i'm obsessed with thrift stores. and baggy sweatshirts with long sleeves that cover my hands. and once was run over on stage by a ginger bread man while performing as a piece of taffy in the california ballet company's production of the nutcracker.
it has taken twenty-one years, but i have finally learned to just not be scared of the world. i will fight hard for my friends. i will protect my family with all the strength i have. and without fearing, i will stand up for what i believe and take the criticism and opinions others have to offer.
i'm not afraid.
as a little girl i lived in san diego, california. we had beautiful fruit trees and a whimsical garden. amongst the beauty, was my play house. i would play in it with my sisters, make dinner, wear pretend glasses, and clean the bedroom (which was technically just a small mat on the floor). after a hard day's work, i'd head out to save the world.
i knew what i wanted at a young age.
and to be honest, it hasn't changed much.
family is the most important thing in the world to me. i strongly believe in it. i know that my family is an astoundingly large part of me and influences the girl i always have been, the lady i am pretending to be, and the woman i will one day become.
i love God. and i believe that Jesus Christ is the savior of the world. i am a latter-day saint and religion is an incredible and detailed part of my life. in fact, i would say it truly makes most, if not all of the person i am today. my belief in God and His Son gives me faith to endure through things i may not understand and gives me everlasting hope, when i feel all is lost.
the ocean has always brought me a sense of place.
some of my earliest, and fondest memories, are of sunday morning walks down the beach with my grandma. running through the tide caves while sporting the chicken pox. spending summers at the condo on ocean beach, ca. and spending many, many days at sunset beach on the north shore of oahu.
sometimes i'm a rockstar. other times, i'm shy. sometimes i'm a fashionista. most the time i'm just a baggy t-shirt and jeans.
sometimes i'm grumpy. sometimes i'm awful nice. sometimes i'm very sad. sometimes i'm so happy i cry. sometimes i'm a teacher. most of the time i'm a student.
sometimes i'll be your rock. sometimes you'll be mine. sometimes i'm as strong as an ox. other times i'll melt in your arms.
i'm guilty of enjoying she wolf by shakira and running to dollhouse by priscilla renea, watching too much 'friends', and having a girl crush on jennifer aniston.
i am good at giving my heart away. unfortunately, that means its no longer mine...and its beat is not for me. and that can cause hurt. i'm scared of hurt. but i know it's just part of life. and i'm okay with the risk.
really, i'm simple.
i'm just the girl that loves kisses, wasn't very social in high school, likes to let her hair to grow long, enjoys good mexican food, hates eye-shadow, wears her grandmothers jewlery, and loves to love and be loved.
just a girl. with an eye infection. and small freckles.