Tuesday, March 30, 2010

the little boy with the rubiks cube.


as i watch the boy with a rubik's cube, i can't help but ponder the unknown of his future. no more than nine-years-old, with a sharp mind and an obvious enjoyment for life. no one can possibly know what his tale will tell. no one can predict what the age of ten may have in store or what changes will grace him at the age of eighteen. no one can foresee the experiences he'll have at twenty-five or what pains he will feel at forty. if he could see his future would he cringe in fear? if he could view ten years from now would he smile in delight?

will the little boy with the rubik's cube ask himself despairingly, "how did this happen"? or will he simply refuse to let his mind venture there? perhaps he will, one day, fear for his heart; afraid it's triumphant beat may stop--when he feels the power, the insanity, of a broken heart--the kind of pain that can make grown men hurl over and weep. the pain that leaves a man feeling lost in his own, familiar home.

and perhaps when that happens the boy with the rubik's cube will think to himself, where do i find the fairness? and perhaps the woman at the coffee shop will respond, "i cannot tell you. i have yet to find it in this coffee house." so the boy with the rubik's cube will ask the european man sitting on the park bench, sir where can i find fairness? his tired eyes will look out at the ducks in the pond, "i do not know son. i have yet to find it here. or across the seas in my home of macedonia." but the little boy with the rubik's cube will not give up. perhaps he will then ask the woman at gate a-22... "fairness?" she'll question the boy's inquiry, "i don't know the word. and i assure you, it cannot be found anywhere these planes can take you." feeling discouraged and too tired to ask again, the little boy with the rubik's cube approachs a young man walking a fluffy dog with crooked legs. there were no words exchanged--there were none to sufficiently describe-- the young man's eyes said it all. the little boy with the rubik's cube nodded and slowly turned away.

for a moment he will decide to simply not try, but then he'll remember some words his father once told him. boy, life isn't fair. but that doesn't mean it isn't beautiful. the little boy with the rubiks cube's eyes fill with peaceful tears as he turns to see the woman in the coffee shop give him a wink and a smile. his heart begins to beat loudly as he watches the european man on the park bench sip sofly from his drink and throw more crumbs at the ducks. he feels warmth on his back as he thinks of the woman at terminal a-22 traveling to exotic places...and he'll softly weep as he sees the young man and the fluffy dog with crooked legs sitting with their beautiful family, surrounded by love.

ok, so life isn't fair. but something about that makes it beautiful. and as i watch the little boy with the rubik's cube sitting next to me, i almost feel responsible to warn him of the things i so naively did not understand...but i guess thats the way God wants it. we have to learn about pain. we have to to learn about love, understanding, anger and patience. we have to learn for ourselves, because you can read about them; you can listen as they're sung about it songs. you can discuss them in school, at work and in church, but nothing is going to teach you to understand better than feeling for yourself. and nothing is going to teach you about love better than loving for yourself...

so. hm. little boy with the rubik's cube, God knows what He is doing.

He must.

the way it is.

{picture from here}

i ate a fortune cookie today.
inside, was a fortune.


it said.
don't give up. this problem will be better next month.

i think we all pray that is how it will be.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

dear tomorrow.


dear tomorrow,

oh how i hope you bring me more energy than today. seven days can sometimes be so long. and the past week definitely falls under that 'long' category. today i could barely keep my head up. or my eyes open. my body isn't always as tough as i think it is.

you see, i have this problem where i quite convincingly persuade myself that i don't need sleep. but then days like today come along, and i realize how fantastic sleep truly is.

though this week was a strenuous one, it was superb. seeing the progression and success i am privileged to be a part of is exhilarating. this week brought me happiness, confidence, and left me dancing to my own tune...it a world that feeds me tunes i just don't care about. (and please, take that metaphorically and literally. because seriously, i don't know what is up with most of the popular music these days. let's all just go back to the 70's.)

have you ever stepped out your front door and truly felt the power of a new day? well tomorrow...that's gonna be you. i'm done waiting. my mind wanders back into the world of dr. seuss. (for those of you who don't know, i heart dr. seuss). in his book, oh the places you'll go...he talks about a waiting place. read more about it here.

well...once again, today i decided that i am packing up and heading out of that stupid old waiting place. i know what i have to offer. i know what i can be. and there just isn't any reason to sit around and wait.

but as for tonight, tomorrow dear...i am very sleepy. so for now, i'll say goodnight. tomorrow, you'll be here soon enough.

p.s. i'm going to arizona this week. :)

somtimes i rise. sometimes i fall.

{picture from here}

it's been a crazy busy week.
now, it is time to stop and breath.


"large fingers pushing paint
you're god and you've got big hands
the colors blend... the challenges you give man
seek my part... devote myself
my small self... like a book amongst the many on a shelf
sometimes i know, sometimes i rise
sometimes i fall, sometimes i don't
sometimes i cringe, sometimes i live
sometimes i walk, sometimes i kneel
sometimes i speak of nothing at all
sometimes i reach to myself..."

-sometimes, pearl jam
one of my all-time favorite songs by eddie.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

crazy about you.

lately i've been a little obsessed...
with cowhide rugs.


i love this green sofa with the hide. so lovely.

these colors are rockstar. and the cowhide just adds such
character to the room.

yes, i couldn't resist this one. i love bookshelves and cowhides.

so beautiful. and i'll take those windows anyday.

one day i will have my own...and then i will be a rockstar too.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

in the sun.

She & Him - In The Sun from Merge Records on Vimeo.

if i was a famous, talented, & adorable actress/musician
there is no way i wouldn't make a music video like this one.

i think there are many of us that can relate to this video
at some point in our lives.
raise your hand if you too love zooey deschanel.

Friday, March 12, 2010

i dare you.

{picture from here}

i dare you...

to run your absolute hardest while listening to do the evolution
by pearl jam.

it's therapeutic, i swear.
to eat cracklin' oat bran for breakfast, cinnamon life for a snack,
and raisin bran crunch for dinner.
...i'm a tad obsessed with cereal.
to tell a random story about yourself to a complete stranger...
for no real reason.
and then laugh at yourself later.
to walk with your head held high, because you know you've got
a lot to offer this world.

so show em'.
to love someone with every beautiful ounce of emotion you've got.
and not be afraid to tell them.
again. and again. and again...and never stop.
i dare you.

Monday, March 8, 2010

congratulations si!

my very smart, talented, funny and beautiful
sister siera was just accepted
to her first choice dental hygiene school.

(which, i did not realize are extremely hard to get into)

we're so proud of her!
she's is so dedicated and has worked extremely hard.

here are some picture of our little celebration today...






don't mind our sunday evening attire.
it usually consists of sweatpants and baggy t-shirts.

love you si!
you rock.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

cheerios.

{picture from here}

today was pretty great.
it was very up and down, definitely an emotional one.
but i ate a bowl of honey nut cheerios. happiness.
met some very pleasant people.
and danced around to hey, soul sister by train.
at one point i had to stop myself from crying.
at another, i couldn't stop myself from laughing.
i talked to a friend i haven't seen for quite some time...
had two diet cokes to keep my head from imploding.
realized that a 'special k' diet shake
is simply not a sufficient lunch.
and have decided that tomorrow will be just as great....
yes, it will.


Friday, March 5, 2010

my face.

{picture from here}

lets all just dance together.
to a song of you and me.
we'll be content with who we are.
and smile because we now see.
beautiful is not one definition.
but many, for each and everyone.
its all in who you're asking.
and when it is said and done...
i am the girl i am.
that is never going to change.
this is me, across from you.
here it is. my face.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

to dad.

{dad and i on the flying dumb0 ride at disney land,
one of my favorites when i was little}


happy birthday dad.
thank you for all that you do for us.
i do not thank you enough...

we love you!

happy birthday!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

dear march...

{picture from here}

i have mixed emotions about your arrival. yes, i am looking forward to slightly warmer weather, which we've already been blessed with in your mere few days with us. i cannot deny that it is good to be have february over and done with. but at the same time, i sit in astonishment, bewildered as to where it has gone. it seems as if it passed with one quick turn of the head. it is kind of frightening how quickly time passes by.

march, you are special to me. you are a symbol of hope, a mark of goals to be reached...a time of changes that will be made and a chance for a fresh start to *the beautiful. thinking too much about you leaves me feeling excited and shaken at the same time. i guess only time will tell what changes will come. for now, all i can do is prepare myself. have faith. and try to continually do better.

though you do leave me feeling a little overwhelmed, i am not scared of you. in fact, you make me happy. you're like a drizzly morning in early spring...you send a slight chill through my spine, but make me smile as i step into your world. whatever you have to say to me, i'm ready. bring it on. because i feel stronger than i have in a long time.

today i wrapped my hair up in a bun and put on my favorite sweater. i spent time with my mom. and laughed with my sisters. i bought some crisp red grapes at the market for an afternoon snack. and spent time dreaming about how i would decorate my future home. i treated my body to a rejuvenating hour of pilates class. and enjoyed time talking to friends. so far, march, you've been pretty good.

elie wiesel once said, "i write to understand as much as to be understood." i can feel the power and relate to the meaning of those words. i write to you. i write about nothing. i write in frustration. i write in peace...i continuously document my thoughts and feelings and ramblings...not necessarily for others to understand my words, but for me to find understanding with myself.

welcome march.

sibella court.

i find myself constantly being inspired by the creations
of sibella court.

i have her book "etcetera"
that my dear friend holly found for me at anthropologie.
and i adore it.
though i could never deal with the clutter,
i am intrigued by her eye for colors, belief in emotion
and her love for collecting.

my favorite part in her book is a section entitled
"a personal museum." in these few paragraphs she talks
about how a home is a place to display your own story.
she says, "my own home is a virtual
timeline of my life and loves,
places i've travelled and people i've met" (etcetera, 13)

Monday, March 1, 2010

hooked-on-phonics.

perhaps it has to do with the fact that my mom
had me enrolled in reading classes
and doing 'hooked-on-phonics' at a young age,
reading 'where the wild things are' and learning-
from a very theatrical young teacher i might add- that
reading is a way to stretch the limitations of
the human mind...

but whatever the reason, i'm obsessed with my books...
and the shelves they spend their time on.
when i grown up i would love to have the following
bookshelves in my home.

lets be honest, i really just love this whole set up
from anthropologie.
the rug, the stool, the chair...
but my favorite part is the industrial bookshelf.

how delightful is this?
i can only dream of one day having a complete
wall of bookshelves...
and i adore the idea of sitting down to breakfast in
this lovely setting. oh, and it has a ladder!
{i'm also obsessed with ladders, but more on that later}

and this...well this is honestly a dream of mine.
i will hand build my children a room like this
if i have too.
reading is such an important part of being a child.
reading taught me to dream. to imagine. and to feel the
freedoms and brilliance of the human mind.
this room is magical.
i've been collecting children's books for many years now...
one day i hope my collection will be big enough to fill
my children's library.

and that my friends...is my obsession with bookshelves.