Monday, September 13, 2010

hello, i've missed you.

my youngest sister left for college.

this was an experience that i'll never, ever forget. one of the oh-so-very-rare, heartbreaking occasions when i saw tears in my father's eyes.

and as i sit here and think of her, getting off that airplane in a new place with different people and fresh situations, i can't help but think back on the time i first ventured out on my own.

it's as scary as hell.


lonely as the dead of night.

and so strangely foreign, you'd think you were born just yesterday...

hold up. i'm not finished.


it is also, the best possible thing an eighteen-year-old girl can do.

for me, that began five years ago. (yeah, i know. five years. i'm getting old). i've heard the spiel; i've heard it often.

and looking back on the kristen that ventured off from home and the kristen that i know now, it's like two different, beautiful worlds. and the priceless lessons i've learned, could have never been had anywhere else...and i feel inclined to share.

so, neesh. this is for you babe
.

i know a little about growing up, not a lot. but a little.

twenty-two years of it
, looking you straight in the eye.

i don't know anything about marriage
, nope nothing. i know absolutely zilch about raising small children, buying a house, changing air filters, or fixing flat tires (i attempted this by myself once. humorous, yes.)

however, i do know a thing or two about being human. about living, breathing...the basics of putting one foot in front of the other.

i've experienced happiness in some of its highest forms.

basking in an undeniable bliss. the kind where one can't help but just gaze up at the sky, floating with the cool pacific water on your back...knowing that you need to somehow inhale this moment and never breath out. the kind where you're leaning on the trunk of a 98' camry and you realize that it really is love....it's these moments that keep the heart pumping.

mmmgh.

like any human being, i've also crawled my way through the roughest, most desperate of days.the darkest of nights. and have nearly drown in the wetness of seemingly endless tears. and that's ok. it's all part of this crazy-little-mixed-up world. the one we love so dearly.

so...what have i learned? okay, well let me tell you...

neesh. dad was right, life isn't fair. but it is so, 100% beautiful.

and whether its the best or the worst, the most important relationship a person can maintain in this random of a world is their relationship with our heavenly father.

yup. it took some trial and error to figure this one out. but this advice, i know to be true.

that being said ducky, don't be afraid to botch things up. because you can always learn from your mistakes. in fact, it's really the only way to keep on moving forward in life. you have to recognize the wrong, make it right and then continue to progress.

when i first left home, i was under some fantastical impression that i would just do everything right the first time. this way, i'd avoid failure and all that comes with it.

fortunately, it didn't take me too long to realize that this notion was pulled straight out from someone's you-know-where. i awoke one morning realizing that the beauty of being human, is that there is continual opportunity for progression.

sweetheart, you're turning the page into a grand new chapter...

and you're going to be writing...well, all of it.

so take my advice...
or don't, your choice.

eat lots of chocolate chip cookies
. especially for breakfast. and especially from kneaders. num num.

never wear blue eye shadow.

always keep a box of midol in-stock. eh-hem.

take every opportunity you have to understand someone new...you never know what you're missing if you don't.

brush your teeth. and floss.

float on your back at sunset beach...close your eyes and listen to the water beat against your ear drums. then think of me.

be confident. you're one of us darling, you're going to kick some a.

remember your family. we'll always be your rock.

love yourself.
know you're beautiful and don't let the world tell you differently. you're rockstar, just the way you are.

listen to an old country rock song when you need to ease the pain...

and call me or si when you need a dirty joke. we're good for that.

little neesh, don't be afraid to fight for love. no matter the outcome, because in my experience (and you know what they are)...in tears of joy or tears of pain, love is worth the fight.

please, please don't be afraid to love with all your spunky heart.

yes, you'll be hurt. and yes, you will cause hurt. i promise. you'll be the victim of heartbreak and also the source. it's just the way the story goes.

because as much as we'd like it to be, love isn't simple.


or perfect. in fact, it's quite far from it. it comes in many shapes and forms. it comes in the broad of day, around the next corner...maybe when you least expect it. but when you find it....mmmmgh, it rocks.

love is finding someone that becomes your home.

honestly, it's the grandest emotion this world will ever know.

love is profound
. and love is so, so naturally sincere. love is worth fighting for. yes, sometimes it will kick your a. and sometime's you'll curse it's name...

but when you find it. and you find that person...it doesn't matter where you are or whats around you...because in their arms, you coudn't feel more at home.

darling, don't grown up too fast.

just take it as it comes, and be eighteen while you're eighteen. be twenty when you're twenty. and don't regret, that's a waste of your time.

in the words of eddie vedder,
i don't want to know your past. but together share the dawn.

see. it doesn't really matter what the past holds. because it's an open road ahead...

go at it.

2 comments:

  1. call me or you for a dirty joke?! Neesh just call Kris for that. We all know I've never said a dirty thing in my life. Nor have I ever been creepy. And thanks for telling her to brush and floss Kris. If you'd also throw a rinsing regimen in there Neesh i'd be much obliged. (Go for Crest ProHealth, or just the lovely and predictable Scope Spearmint). "I happen to care very deeply about our family's teeth and gums!" You two out of anyone will know who first spoke those immortal words. I love my sisters.

    p.s. I feel like beth on little women. Ya know the one who got left behind and died in her loneliness while her sisters married men named Teddy and Bear. One of you should call me.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nich said...

    I miss you both. It seems everytime I call one of you guys we play phone tag. Or... Si claims she calls me. But ya know what kris i know what you mean about justin beibers some u smile cause its really just great. And your vocals are spectacular. I think you should both come visit me.. good i dea :) i know right? couldn't miss you guys more.
    Si... Thanks for caring about my teeth and gums I really appreciated that. I will remember to floss..
    Kris... thanks for writting this post :) it means so much i even teared up a bit when i read it.
    XOXO love you guys.
    Neesh

    ReplyDelete

from keen.