it's unreal...how wonderful it has been. from the perfectly mashed potatoes(thanks mary) to the heaven sent orange rolls, to the in-house dance off between si, shel-bell and yours truly (thanks michael jackson)...which, by the way, i won by a landslide. or should i say...by an impressive hip twist into a bridge followed by a gnarly g-kick, flared with a tasteful touch of stripper-ish body rolling movement.
so, i'll pour myself a champagne glass three quarters of the way full with left-over sparkling cider and propose a toast.
a toast, to the thanksgiving now past and the holiday celebrations still to come.
cheers to ice skating at the gallivan center in salt lake. cheers to christmas trees and sitting in barnes and noble reading twas' the night before christmas. cheers to raspberry hot cocoa and kissing under mistletoe. to freezing cold winds and warm fire places. sure, i'll toast to that. to family and beautifully wrapped christmas presents. to holiday shopping and belting out carols in the car. to everything christmas.
let it be known, that today i am feeling quite random.
so many thoughts going in and out of this exhausted mind. perhaps it is the 2.5 hours of sleep i got on black friday. left me a bit sleepy.
i'm sitting here by the fireplace, enjoying a ginger-snap from smart cookie(these ginger snaps are truly the most delicious cookie i have ever had in my whole life...they don't sell them usually, but you can get them special ordered. totally worth it. i promise)...just thinking about the changes that will soon take place in my life. big changes. huge really.
and a little bit scary. good thing this ginger snap is delectable.
i'm just going to keep on keeping on. and even though i'm a tiny-bit frightened, i feel so overwhelmed with gratitude.
oh-how-i-love those little characteristics of living.
like the fact that my sister si and i are absolutely, stand-up, no questions asked, hilarious when we get together. it's undeniable. she is one of the funniest people alive. she can keep up with the best. and i'm privledged to run along side her.
like how my sister's boyfriend steals sips of my diet coke whenever we go out. and how left-over turkey sandwiches are num-num-il-icious.
small things, that are sometimes even frustrating. for example, watching my mom try to text message or navigate around a computer (she still hasn't quite grasped this generation of technology) and it's absolutely, horrifically frustrating. and yet, looking back on it. i simply smile.
like those intense hour long debates that we find ourselves in. about any number of invigorating topics...like how university parking sucks. or why women can't be more like men. and why neil young kicks a**. and then come to realize that we didn't really even understand what the other was saying in the first place.
maybe it's just the way my little writing-blogging-authoring mind works...but i love detail.
i love my freckles and the nun shaped scar on my pointer finger. and how i always end up with the squeaking grocery cart at the market.
i love that my youngest sister is living it up in hawaii. hanging with movie stars from the count of monte christo, hitch-hiking rides with professional surfers (you got lucky there neesh) and sky-diving over the ocean.
i'm thankful for you. and you. and you.
today, i set new goals for myself. became more decisive. made an extremely long to-do list. decorated a christmas tree. learned more about myself while sitting in church. thought more about what you said, 'it's never not the time'(you rocked my world with that one) and thought about all the holiday activities that i must do.
yes. it's going to be a lovely week.
bring on the change. and pour me another glass of that cider.
like that bite of fresh, moist chocolate cake coated in the most delicious fudge frosting ever known to mankind. num. num.it made me right.
and when- to my great pleasure- rich girl by gwen stefani came on the radio this afternoon and i eagerly sang/rapped/danced along....what happened to my life turned upside down. chicks that blew your mind. ding. the second round....
that also made me right. imagining driving through the desert in an 88' land cruiser, heat sitting so thick you can practically bite into it. old manby neil young playing in the background. tan skin and scruff lining your jaw line. deep breath. seriously, that makes me right.
spending friday night huddled over the toilet. puking. hopelessly, pathetically camping out on the bathroom floor. definitely not my ideal plan for friday date night. but hey, nothing that a little ginger ale and a hot bubble bath couldn't make right.
walking through the mall, soaking up the holiday decorations and christmas colors. large streamer-like ornaments hanging from the ceilings. crowds moving at an abnormally quick pace, knowing the season shopping craze has begun. it's alive in the air. oh-how-that makes me right.
running through the rain-sleet-snow, whatever that was. feeling that icy cold wind burn my eyes and freeze my lungs from the inside out. all the more reason to push myself harder and move my legs faster. no one else is around. cars do not exist. nothing and no one can push me but myself. definitely, definitely makes me right.
this scripture, in it's beautiful simplicity. in the peace it brings me...yes, it makes me very right.
dreaming of one day having a charming home of my own. with a family that is mine. and a king size bed to share with my husband. putting up our own, perfect christmas tree. and braving the roof as we attempt to line our house in christmas lights. making the recipes that my mom made when i was growing up. starting our own unique funky traditions that will become a part of our children's hearts.
and maybe they too will stop by home around the holidays, just for a random visit...like i did last night. simply to feel the comfort of a warm house, filled to the brim with holiday decor...with classic hallmark christmas shows playing on tv. my family moving about, each individual person doing their own thing. nothing special. nothing fancy. and oh-how-deeply i love it. just one of those days...when a girl needs home.
remember the song where'd you go? by fort minor...
good one, huh? i woke up this morning with it playing through my head. this is a sign. it's happened before... i immediately thought of my girls. of all the memories i cling to. of all the times i cherish...
it's time for a little stroll down memory lane. i dedicate this post to you guys. (i've pulled together some of our most classic photos...)
the beginnings. at the notorious glenwood. if i breath real deep, i can still get a whiff of the moldy/dead rat smell that graces each and every glenhood apartment.
we had a roommate that moved out soon after the year began. but she left us with an enormous self-portrait on our living room wall. pretty classic.
oh man. we were so young. eighteen and knowing absolutely nothing of what our futures would hold. p.s. aubry had just cut her hair and was looking pretty dang sexy.
proudly sporting my new bangs. notice all my hair changes throughout the pictures... so great.
and here we are at carriage cove... oh-the-memories. the sad part about this picture is...we ate most of that cake all ourselves.
one of our classic portraits. night skiing/snowboarding.
christmas at carriage cove. i am proud to admit, i bought jess these beauties.
i couldn't love this picture ofaubs more. i loved that christmas tree with all my heart. and i love that girl more than all the chocolate chip cookies in the world.
our christmas card picture. this was pretty much the only decent one out of probably thirty tries.
see that slipcover on the sofa behind us? yeah, that thing was honestly the destroyer of my sanity. i would straighten and smooth and fold those things probably seven times a day.
our crazy a. photo shoot...
attitude, what? i eat this crap up.
each one of these girls has gone on to do amazing things. they're rockstars.
and aubry shares my love for diet coke. no, these weren't all hers.
the days of the king henry...
one of our classic nights at the byu library. living it up with the cougs. (if you look really close you can see my 'uvu' account up on my computer...shhhhh, don't tell)
oh yeah...and i went dark for a while.
not my favorite. but as my cousin says, "every girl has got to try it at some point". chhheck.
these are my besties. i miss them. a lot.
where'd you go? i miss you so. seems like it's been forever. that you've been gone... please come back home. to hear song click here.
really, i don't think i could be more excited about the holidays. i might as well be a small child that still believes in santa claus... because i'm completely giddy for the holidays. this little girl has officially left me feeling a little too obsessed withwhipping my hair back and forth. oh-how-i-wish i had her sass. and ghetto dance moves. diet coke plus me still equals love. perfect is just a silly word. and i can't be it. (i know, right. who knew?) so i have to accept that. whenever i hear 'thunder rolls' by garth brooks i immediately picture a snowy road through the rocky mountains... working our way to mccall, idaho. i'm scared. i confess. scared of time passing too quickly. scared of the future. scared of big decisions. scared of losing you. running keeps me sane. and i am slightly addicted to it.
i've been making pretty good homemade cookies. okay, they're from the betty crocker bag (just add an egg and butter) but who cares, they rock. and i feel proud. sorry, i suck at girl talk. i'm crazy about modern family. love it. and i have a huge girl crush on julie bowen(who plays the mom). i still love my country rock music. neil youngwill always have my heart. i'm glad that i grew up in a family that drove the ugliest white box van, with a red stripe around the whole exterior... i think it built character. maybe, a large part of why we are the way we are. it was similar to this but just a red stripe. sexy, eh? i've been having a lot of dance parties by myself lately. it's a good stress reliever. mmmmgh.
so, there it is. i confess. life is good. no, it is beautiful. it's not easy. at all. but that's how we like it.
doesn't matter who you are. or who you're not. all it takes is a little love to make a handout worth a lot. swimming in the deep blue sea. marching in the big parade. -neil young, light of love
something about the start of november leaves me twitterpated.
first & most obviously, it is the start of the holiday season. the holiday season that i love with every ounce of heart i've got in me.
perhaps it's that bone-chilling nip in the air. the one that makes me want to cuddle up by a fire with a large "friends-like" sized mug of raspberry hot chocolate, with my warm fuzzy socks pulled up over my sweats. (yes, i do wear my socks over my pants. ask anyone that's lived with me. i'm just sexy like that.)
i love everything about it. the remaining leaves that have yet to fall...the snow sprinkled mountains....the fact that my entire body is numb by the time i get back from running in the mornings and then burns when i step in the warm shower...
i raise my glass to november. good things are going to happen.
in fact, i'm going to brush today off. start fresh. oh, did i forget to mention? today was by far...like really far...'neverland and the lost boys' far, the longest day of my life.
november second two-thousand and ten. documented: you kicked my trash. yes you did. go ahead, get the gloating out of your system because november is only going up from here. (when i wrote that the shania twain song, "up" immediately came into my head. weird.)
you want to know why? i'll tell you...because my life is just the way it should be.
you tell me i need to figure things out. okay fine. and i'm telling you to show me a twenty-two year-old girl who has it all figured out. do that and we'll talk.
even a glass of cold, cold water couldn't have helped me wash down a day like today. and sure, it's tempting to sit here with this bowl of cheerios and allow myself tear-up and maybe cry...and pathetically ask myself, "what am i doing wrong?"
but then (thankfully) i remind myself that i'm not that girl. i'm the strong one. the girl that...even when she doesn't have it all figured out...struts her stuff and acts like she does.
as lovely as being perfect in every way sounds...
it's simply not happening.
sure, i could've done it the way that you talk about. that way that haunts me after days like today. i could've stuck to what was safe and played the game without using a chance card. but that's not me. and i'm not apologizing for that.
i'm a smart girl. trust me.
i can't promise you that i'll one day have my whole life figured out. again, show me someone that does. but i can promise you that i'll keep fighting, moving foward...in whatever 'foward' direction that is.