Tuesday, November 2, 2010

hello, november.

something about the start of november leaves me twitterpated.

first & most obviously, it is the start of the holiday season. the holiday season that i love with every ounce of heart i've got in me.

perhaps it's that bone-chilling nip in the air. the one that makes me want to cuddle up by a fire with a large "friends-like" sized mug of raspberry hot chocolate, with my warm fuzzy socks pulled up over my sweats. (yes, i do wear my socks over my pants. ask anyone that's lived with me. i'm just sexy like that.)

i love everything about it. the remaining leaves that have yet to fall...the snow sprinkled mountains....the fact that my entire body is numb by the time i get back from running in the mornings and then burns when i step in the warm shower...

mmmmgh.

i raise my glass to november. good things are going to happen.

in fact, i'm going to brush today off. start fresh. oh, did i forget to mention? today was by far...like really far...'neverland and the lost boys' far, the longest day of my life.

november second two-thousand and ten. documented: you kicked my trash. yes you did. go ahead, get the gloating out of your system because november is only going up from here. (when i wrote that the shania twain song, "up" immediately came into my head. weird.)

you want to know why? i'll tell you...because my life is just the way it should be.

you tell me i need to figure things out. okay fine. and i'm telling you to show me a twenty-two year-old girl who has it all figured out. do that and we'll talk.

even a glass of cold, cold water couldn't have helped me wash down a day like today. and sure, it's tempting to sit here with this bowl of cheerios and allow myself tear-up and maybe cry...and pathetically ask myself, "what am i doing wrong?"

but then (thankfully) i remind myself that i'm not that girl. i'm the strong one. the girl that...even when she doesn't have it all figured out...struts her stuff and acts like she does.

as lovely as being perfect in every way sounds...

it's simply not happening.

sure, i could've done it the way that you talk about. that way that haunts me after days like today. i could've stuck to what was safe and played the game without using a chance card. but that's not me. and i'm not apologizing for that.

i'm a smart girl. trust me.

i can't promise you that i'll one day have my whole life figured out. again, show me someone that does. but i can promise you that i'll keep fighting, moving foward...in whatever 'foward' direction that is.

that's the girl i am.

mmmmgh.
so.

welcome november. take a seat, stay a while.

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from keen.