Sunday, January 30, 2011

pwned.

yes, i still love running...
thought it'd be fun to share some of the songs currently on my
running playlist:

1. the show goes on, lupe fiasco
2. seven nation army, the white stripes
3. loser, beck
4. monster, michael jackson
5. cinderella man, eminem
6. do the evolution, pearl jam
(watch this video. it get's me everytime. there you go eddie.)
7. the everlasting gaze, smashing pumpkins
(you can always count on the pumpkins to get the heart pumping)
8. monster, kanye west
(i recommend the clean version)
9. my life would suck without you, kelly clarkson
10. erase me, kid cudi


enjoy it. hate it. whatever.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

jimmered.

i recently had my style defined as "fashionable, yet effortless. with an element of surprise."

the source of this definition was a fashion 'icon'--if you will--in the world i live in. (if i've lost your interest already then you should probably just stop reading, because yes...this post is all about fashion and design and it's not going anywhere else.)

eh-hem.

needless to say, having this colorful description pinned on me was the gold star of my week.

fashion and design have always been passions of mine. it's art, really. piecing together just the right amount of color with the perfect mix of style. topped off with a touch of you.

call me vain. bash on it all you want.

i dare you.

but when you have that day. the day where you pull together a masterpiece of an outfit that combines two different patterns with just the right amount of contrast, combined with a solid colored sweater, a pair of off-black leggings and some good brown leather boots with a hint of 'western', you may be saying something different.

it's like that time when you paired those slender black levi's with that deep navy blue t-shirt and a pair of loafers. i didn't believe you at first. but when put together--made complete sense.

that's what fashion is (to me at least)...mixing up this and that, one color with another, pairing up what you like--what makes you, you--and making sense out of it.

to me, that's exciting. for me that's a winning touchdown. a home run. for me that's about as exciting as getting 'jimmered'.

i know a lot of you probably hate me now, being that jimmer is the new crush of every boy and girl byu sport fan.

but that's the kind of heart-beating excitement i get when viewing a piece of artwork that impacts me emotionally. the kind of energy i feel when re-decorating my apartment...and dreaming of the possibilities. the pride and magnetism i feel when expressing who i am through art and fashion.

so where does my style come from? it's kind of a fun question to ask yourself. think about it.

let me dissect it for you. just like that frog in 9th grade biology (i hated cutting up that frozen toad so, so much)

...but let biology class begin.

see, i was born in san diego
. it was there that i spent my younger years.

the beach was my haven. sandcastles were the blueprints of my future home. and the tide caves were my secret headquarters. i really had something going, as you can see.

even the chickenpox couldn't keep me from immersing myself in that salty water (really though, i spent my chickenpox days running through the bone-chilling waves at ocean beach)

my parents are california natives. their families are both from there. yup. really we're just a big california family.

i was always influenced by that lifestyle. the easy-breezy-sun-tanned-skin with freckles and a nice pull-over sundress with some strappy sandles. easy. carefree.

let your hair fall in whatever style it chooses. those salt-water crafted curles that can not be achieved in any other way with minimal make-up. you just throw on some mascara, maybe a touch of blush and let those freckles do their magic.

for the days when you're not at the beach, you're putting on a pair of good fitting jeans or shorts, a loose tank top and wrapping that sun-bleached hair into a bun on the top of your head. now just throw on some sunglasses and you're set.

man, i do love that life. it's innate within me. so simple and free.

my california roots inspired that simple, effortless look.

after living in california my family moved to boise, idaho. i know, right? why? well...let's not get into that. just know that even though it took a while...boise became home and equally as much a part of me.

without a doubt, it was living in boise that left me with that 'western' flare that i often incorporate into my style.

it fits, right?

me and my cowboy boots (thanks diane, the boots still rock everytime i slip them on) and old country rock music...my neil young and america. dang, i love that stuff.

we'd go to all sorts of rodeos and county fairs. i recall a time when i had the rodeo queen (who i remember as being absolutely stunning...not sure if that was just me as a little girl making it up, or if she actually was gorgeous...most likely the former) autograph a picture of herself for me. on it she said, "reach for the stars and nothing less."

cheesy?
absolutely. laughable? for sure. do i think about that often? no, never. but when thinking of what defines my style, i can't help but think of these different experiences that each played their own parts in sculpting the person i am today. in fashion and in everyday life.

so there you go miss rodeo queen idaho. changing one life at a time. shhhhazam.

one-too-many rodeo's and trips to simplot's potato farm later (hence my destroying love french fries and anything with potatos)...and we moved to alpine, utah.

it was here that i did most of my 'growing up.'

no, i wouldn't say that utah itself has affected my fashion sense or style, but rather the experiences i have had here.

the 'growing up' experiences.


learning who am i. and that it is important to embrace my up-bringing, my roots...the things that i am drawn to.

enduring through the horrible make-up years, when i just couldn't quite get it right. too much blush or too much bottom-lid eyeliner (eeek)...or odd, slightly bizarre lip gloss colors. mmmm, those pictures are oh-so-insanely-painful and yet very humorous to look at.

but i learned. thanks mac.


my first real bra (i was a late bloomer). the first thicker-than-one-inch sole shoes (so scandalous). and first time i realized that i could actually look kind-of hot if i tried (after the braces came off, of course).

growing up, i learned not to base what i love around what others do. so yes, i like music that a lot of people don't understand and maybe seek out odd-slightly creepy artwork...but this isn't because it's 'different'. it is because it is what i love. and i hold onto it tightly.

problem with that? no, ok. that's what i thought.

my mother is an artist. my father is a business man.

i'm creative with an edge of professional, artistic with a logical mind.

i like to express myself through my clothing, through design...through the way i display my life. whatever that may be.

so ducky
, take that for what it's worth.

like me. or don't.

but that's all keen.

oh, and jimmered obviously has nothing to do with this blog post, but i just like saying it.

p.s. if anyone can tell me how to get my hair to look like the girl's in the photo here, i will seriously love you forever. it rocks.

Friday, January 28, 2011

mi mama, mi papa...and my dog zorrito.

i'm sitting here. just thinking.
had some heathy choice soup for lunch.
a banana for a snack.
and am now dying for an orange peel smoothie.
num-num-ilicious.
i recommend the 'big kahuna'.
it's their best. i give it five stars.
two thumbs up.
one thousand five-hundred and two 'keen loves your a' points.
and with all this thinking about orange peel smoothies...
i can't help but think about my family.
going to st. george and sipping on smoothies is kind of my family's 'thing'.
and oh-how-i-love them.
i have the two most gorgeous, energetic, hilarious sisters a girl could ever have.
seriously, they're humor is so witty and quick.
and we're all fairly weird.
but cute.
and sometimes creepy.
okay, and seriously...
i have some of the hippest grandparents around.
you should take a look of the old pictures of my grandpa on his motorcycle with his coast guard uniform on...
it's no wonder all the old ladies in their neighborhood are crushin' on him.
and my extended family brings me so much happiness.
(and though this is not nearly all of us...it is the most recent picture i have)
all and all...
i love my family.

air in the change.

can you feel it? yes. that.

it's all around.

everywhere.
breath in. blink. feel it in between your toes.

swoosh it around in your mouth. let it marinate a bit. you'll want to taste it. eat it up. because it's there.

the change.

the change that's in the air.

perhaps it's the new year. new month. new day. resolutions and goals...and yada, yada, yada. or perhaps it's just me. maybe i'm the only one that is currently being chipped away at by the winds of change. it's the erosion of human life.

change.

remember how one day-- out of no where-- the potholes all down i-15 seemed to just 'appear'? you never see them 'forming'. or watch from the side in some plastic lawn chairs sipping on some pink lemonade, waiting for that moment...the "ah, ha! look, there is the first chip in the gravel! what a day! soon we're going to have ourselves a pothole!" (eh-hem. cue for celebration by kool and the gang to begin playing).

no. it's usually a sadder story. a story like little susie driving to work one perfectly normal, nothing-out-of-the-ordinary morning, suddenly thrown from her seat by the impact of her car dipping into what seems to be a tiny wall. simultaneously making a horrific, destroying-like noise...

traumatized. little susie continues on, surprised, shaken, and fairly certain the entire front bumper has been lost.

change is like that.

one day, it all just happens.

you'll be innocently going about life when that first pothole comes out to bite ya in the you-know-where. and then they just keep coming, one after another. out of nowhere. completely unexpected.

it's like that freakin' arcade game where you have to shoot at the bombs falling down from the sky...and as the game goes on they just keep falling faster and faster.

i get worked-up just thinking about it.

it sends me into a state of panic. how on earth do the makers of such a game expect me to shoot that many fake bombs with a red plastic gun? it's silly.

i mean really, how?

if you know me, even a little...you probably know that i don't necessarily like change. i like it only if i have planned it. a planned change.

when change is unexpected, out-of-the-blue, or catches me by surprise...i tend not to like it as much. just a pattern i've noticed.

but hey. i've done the whole 'change' thing before. and often times, it turns out alright. better than i give it credit for.

change can be exciting. it can be trying. and it can bring about magical things.

and literally...in the past week, most large aspects of my life have changed. work. relationships. education. future goals. my hairstyle (totally kidding, my hairstyle is still the same. whew.)

so with this turn of events...i've set some goals.

included in these goals are 1) i want to paint. i used to paint all the time (watercolor mainly. my mom is an oil painter--an amazing oil painter--but i just don't have the patience of dear shell-bell. so watercolor suits me just fine). i was pretty good at it. and then i stopped when life got to busy. i miss it, and want to have that in my life again. 2) make a new friend every week. making new friends brings me so much happiness. so why not? why the h. not? a person can never have too many friends. 3) with all these changes occuring...new opportunities will begin to surface. i want to embrace these. i want to go at them at full force. (just wave that little flag and i'll come charging.) new experiences do excite me.

so there it is. the ramblings of a girl who hates change. loves comfort. but is just going to have to make the best of it. because that's life.

so dear, i welcome the change. at least for tonight.

i'll be good. or be good at it.

cheers.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

like always.

it'll be okay.
it always is.
breath in. and breath out.
like always.

Monday, January 24, 2011

i'm half scared.

i ran this weekend.

thirteen miles through st. george, utah (one of my favorite places on earth).

yes. i lived to tell the tale.

in fact, i did more than just survived....i conquered. i overcame personal fears. destroyed self-doubts. and completely surprised myself (which is a kick-a feeling that cannot, simply cannot be beat.)

running through the desert with 4000+ other racers was one of the greatest, most insane highs i have ever experienced. at one point i almost cried with with happiness. almost. but i didn't.

the rush of pushing yourself further than you've ever gone before.

the adrenaline pumping through your body, dominating your entire world. just thinking back on it almost gives me the chills.

if you want to learn about will-power. i recommend running.

you will gain such deep insight into yourself and the kind of person you are. plus, experience the greatest natural high of your life.

there is nothing that beats running that final stretch.

the stretch with the "finish" banner at the end. signs being waved in the air. onlookers cheering and yelling. pour me a shot of that euphoric madness on a daily basis and i'll be your best friend for life.

surreal? yes.

it's a feeling of unity within oneself. a perfect harmony. an agreement of sorts. an agreement between your head, your heart and your legs, all working as one.

one hour and fifty-five minutes.


that's a lot of time to think. and what really is there to do but keep your legs moving and the mind rolling. it's ideal time to let your subconscious absorb emotion.

however. this much set-aside time for raw, uninhibited thought can be dangerous. especially if you are me. miss over-analytical-obsessive-compulsive-observing-perfectionist.

but whatever.

danger, what's danger?

ha. i laugh in the face of danger. (thanks simba. i love that line.)

just like i faced those thirteen miles. i can face my other fears. i can conquer the 'unknown' of my future. and dominate what may seem impossible.

i don't have to linger in the past. in fact, i can push myself full force into the future.

the past will in no way determine tomorrow.

they say time repeats itself. but not on my watch. (get it? 'my watch'. like a wrist watch? time. pun's are my new favorite thing in case you didn't know.)

it doesn't have to hurt. or fail. and good things can actually last.

sometimes they don't drive away. sometimes they stay because they don't want to lose you.

just like a finish line. you keep on going. you don't stop, even though at times your knee hurts like h** and a deep tissue massage sounds like a dream. you keep on the keepin' on. and eventually you'll cross that ending mark.

your eyes will watch as your foot makes it over that line. and then you will look up, knowing that you did it. you won the race against yourself. against the limitations that left you concerned and cautious.

victory. the big-w.

you take home the medal.

you've got to love the race. that's what this life is all about.


p.s. i stole the title of this post from a recent episode of modern family. phil is challenging claire to a race. and she makes a comment about how she ran a half marathon and he didn't stand a chance. his response, "oooo, i'm half scared." classic.

Friday, January 14, 2011

her hair grows wild, but her mind's intact.

this, this is my happy list...
{a compilation of the things that make me want to jump-up-and-down in celebratory bliss...}
eh-eh-hem.
my box set of every friends episode there ever was.
(if my apartment went up in destroying flames, it would honestly be one of the first things i grabbed)
my long, blonde hair.
(not sure why, but i've been loving my long, crazy hair as of late.)
just another by pete yorn & high and dry by radiohead
(they've been on repeat. a lot. i'm eating that shiz up.)
the organic chocolate chip granola bars on sale at smiths.
(just bought two more boxes last night. num, num.)
thinking of springtime with the cougs.
(frisbees. knee-length shorts. bbq's. pasty-white-skin. i love spring so, so much)
having my bestie back.
(it's like nothing's changed...we can go out on the town, make fun of people, sip our diet coke,
chat about things we find interesting and make ourselves laugh. just like we always did.)

freckles.
(i can't wait to see the sun again and get my freckles back.)
dreaming of vacationing here.
(i know, right?)
long talks at 1:30 a.m.
(feeling so content. so sure that things will be okay. makes me so, so happy)
listening to my old-time country stations.
(getting on my garth brooks and kenny rogers)
running in st. george next week.
(i feel the adrenaline begin just thinking about it.)
despicable me.
(have you seen it? if not, it's a must.)
this poem i wrote.
(it has been going through my head lately.)
growing up.
getting over things.
knowing that the possibilities are endless.


mmmmgh.

happy, happy list.


Saturday, January 8, 2011

introduction.

welcome. two thousand and eleven.

make yourself at home. let's you and me have a little chat. maybe lay some ground rules before we let the ball start rolling.

two thousand and ten was quite the year. and frankly, you've got a lot to live up to. so step up to the starting line.

ready? better be.

see darling, i play a hard game. competitive by nature and obsessive compulsive to the point of making myself sick. between you and me- i'm probably more of a fighter than a lover. but don't jump to any conclusions. because when i love i do it right. that, i guarantee.

you and i are going to be the best of friends. we've got a lot of good to offer one another. and just like any relationship we'll have our strengths and weaknesses.

and that's okay.

past years have proven difficult. they've tried the limitations of what i already knew and pushed past the barriers that kept me sheltered in my own whimsy world of lollipops and gumdrops. not really. i mean, i didn't actually live in a world of old-school, willy wonka-ish candy...but some might say it was a world of naivety. and they would be correct.

i used to be a hopeless romantic. not any more. nope, but those sure were the days- let me tell ya.

and no, that is not a bad thing. i've simply had, lost, and watched the life-cycle of love. and truth be told, it doesn't vary all that much. each situation has it's similarities to the last. i guess there are only so many characteristics to go around.

at first this surprised me, but now i understand. love is love. you're going to search and search for it. just as you should. but that doesn't mean it'll always work. in fact, most of the time it won't. i know, right?

take that nicholas sparks.

but. yes, there is a but...

as many times as you'll watch it fail, all it takes is that once. that one time that it won't.

the one time that it's going to stick. forever.

okay fine. maybe i'm still a little bit of a romantic.

if you haven't guessed it already, i am a writer. and you should probably just accept that now, being that i will-on occasion-be documenting my thoughts, emotions...and problems with you. don't take it personally. just be happy that i'm willing to express myself.

i've got a big bat. and i'm ready to swing. (i kind of stole that from dr. seuss, with some slight modifications)

two-thousand-eleven, i've got big hopes for you. big hopes. my expectations are high and don't expect to disappoint.

rest assured, i'm sure there will be an unsuspected day when you'll watch as i crash and burn. like my 2004 jetta on that dreary december day of two thousand and six...yup, crashed and burrrrned. eh-hem, my fault. and if that does happen- and i pretty much can promise you it will- i may need a hand to get back up. i've got your back babe. i hope you have mine.

i ask you, please do not judge me during those weak moments. i always turn it around. one way or another.

i'll fix things.

i'm a problem solver and a thinker. sometimes with problems that really aren't mine to fix. and often thinking through things just a bit too hard. nonetheless, i am.

two thousand and eleven, times are promising. real, real promising. this world that we live in is constantly blowing my mind. just the other day i had a meeting with a representative from a local/prominent tv station. she was not much older than me, perhaps a year or two.

we sat discussing the power of media, the business behind it, and the goals we are both looking towards in our various lines of work. i couldn't help but think about how that right there is what today's world is: a rising generation of stellar young adults. they're keeping up and they're going to stay ahead. it's what we were bred to do. we can thank our parents for that...

and mark zuckerberg.

i look around and am constantly amazed by what i see. i have friends doing such kick-a things. friends going to law school. friends becoming doctors and dentists. friends that are practically rockstars. i'm surrounded by people that are not only doing good things but are racing right up there with the best. successful, driven, spunky people that inspire me.

mmmgh. go team.

oh future. what will you hold?

will you bring the things i hope you will? will you surprise me with the fears i'm most frightened of? will you whisper sweet nothings in my ear, get my hopes up and then watch me crumble?

tell me. i'd like to know. i'm too curious to be left in the dark.

maybe one day, when things are tough and we're straining for air, we'll hop in my camry and take off for the coast. we'll walk down ocean piers and feel the rain on our dry skin...taking comfort in the fact that things will always be okay in the end.

life is beautiful.

oh-how-i-love-it.

waking up in the morning and knowing that i choose what happens that day. i love pushing my limitations. running further, pushing myself harder. it's such an addicting high.

i'm sure you know what i'm talking about.

so cheers to that.

all-in-all, i'm predicting that two thousand and eleven is going to be a stellar year.

not perfect, but...perfect in it's own, messed up sort of way.

so welcome. i'm glad you're here.