Friday, January 28, 2011

air in the change.

can you feel it? yes. that.

it's all around.

everywhere.
breath in. blink. feel it in between your toes.

swoosh it around in your mouth. let it marinate a bit. you'll want to taste it. eat it up. because it's there.

the change.

the change that's in the air.

perhaps it's the new year. new month. new day. resolutions and goals...and yada, yada, yada. or perhaps it's just me. maybe i'm the only one that is currently being chipped away at by the winds of change. it's the erosion of human life.

change.

remember how one day-- out of no where-- the potholes all down i-15 seemed to just 'appear'? you never see them 'forming'. or watch from the side in some plastic lawn chairs sipping on some pink lemonade, waiting for that moment...the "ah, ha! look, there is the first chip in the gravel! what a day! soon we're going to have ourselves a pothole!" (eh-hem. cue for celebration by kool and the gang to begin playing).

no. it's usually a sadder story. a story like little susie driving to work one perfectly normal, nothing-out-of-the-ordinary morning, suddenly thrown from her seat by the impact of her car dipping into what seems to be a tiny wall. simultaneously making a horrific, destroying-like noise...

traumatized. little susie continues on, surprised, shaken, and fairly certain the entire front bumper has been lost.

change is like that.

one day, it all just happens.

you'll be innocently going about life when that first pothole comes out to bite ya in the you-know-where. and then they just keep coming, one after another. out of nowhere. completely unexpected.

it's like that freakin' arcade game where you have to shoot at the bombs falling down from the sky...and as the game goes on they just keep falling faster and faster.

i get worked-up just thinking about it.

it sends me into a state of panic. how on earth do the makers of such a game expect me to shoot that many fake bombs with a red plastic gun? it's silly.

i mean really, how?

if you know me, even a little...you probably know that i don't necessarily like change. i like it only if i have planned it. a planned change.

when change is unexpected, out-of-the-blue, or catches me by surprise...i tend not to like it as much. just a pattern i've noticed.

but hey. i've done the whole 'change' thing before. and often times, it turns out alright. better than i give it credit for.

change can be exciting. it can be trying. and it can bring about magical things.

and literally...in the past week, most large aspects of my life have changed. work. relationships. education. future goals. my hairstyle (totally kidding, my hairstyle is still the same. whew.)

so with this turn of events...i've set some goals.

included in these goals are 1) i want to paint. i used to paint all the time (watercolor mainly. my mom is an oil painter--an amazing oil painter--but i just don't have the patience of dear shell-bell. so watercolor suits me just fine). i was pretty good at it. and then i stopped when life got to busy. i miss it, and want to have that in my life again. 2) make a new friend every week. making new friends brings me so much happiness. so why not? why the h. not? a person can never have too many friends. 3) with all these changes occuring...new opportunities will begin to surface. i want to embrace these. i want to go at them at full force. (just wave that little flag and i'll come charging.) new experiences do excite me.

so there it is. the ramblings of a girl who hates change. loves comfort. but is just going to have to make the best of it. because that's life.

so dear, i welcome the change. at least for tonight.

i'll be good. or be good at it.

cheers.

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from keen.