Thursday, February 24, 2011

today, i feel beautiful.

'do you see the way that tree bends?
does it inspire?
leaning out to catch the sun's rays...
a lesson to be applied.
are you getting something out of this all encompassing trip?
you can spend your time alone, redigesting past regrets.
or you can come to terms and realize
you're the only one who can't forgive yourself.
makes much more sense to live in the present tense
have you ideas on how this life ends?
checked your hands and studied the lines.
have you the belief that the road ahead ascends off into the light?

seems that needlessly it's getting harder,
to find an approach and a way to live.
are we getting something out of this all-encompassing trip?
you can spend your time alone redigesting past regrets.
or you can come to terms and realize
you're the only one who cannot forgive yourself...
makes much more sense to live in
the present tense.'

-present tense, pearl jam

listen here.
it's time we learn to let go.

p.s. i am happy. oh-so-very-crazy-happy.
and i took this picture last week when out snapping some shots with my new camera. like?

Saturday, February 19, 2011

just another.

don't be jealous...
but i went to the pete yorn show
at the depot this week.

it was a dream come true.
really though.
it blew my mind to itsy-bitsy pieces.
here's some pics i took...
maybe you can re-live
it with me.
i'm ridiculously proud of this photo.
really though, it's rad, right?
the way that stage light is catching the raw action. mmmgh.
there is just something about drums.

the crowd at the depot.
i'm loving mr. personality on the left...
meet my new boyfriend: pete's guitarist.
can you say, 'hubba-hubba'?
once again...
so proud of how i captured the drum action.
pete. our man.
singing my favorite, just another.
it was an insane show.
so, so mind-blowing.
this is my second favorite picture.
this guy was probably the most talented, spunky...drunk bassist
that ever graced the face of rock and roll.
okay maybe not...but it was unfair how gifted he was.
thanks pete.
you changed my life.
oh, and i heart your shoes so very much.

check out his stuff here.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

jacob f. and the metallic winter coat.

what am i thinking about?

today, i'm sitting here admiring my freshly cleaned and oh-so-sparkling-bleachy smelling kitchen.

and am wondering how people can sit through an entire episode of the bachelor.

seriously girls, i tried. i really did, but the only opinions i am left with are that brad probably should have pushed michelle and her sorry-a attitude off the ledge of that waterfall, without the propelling gear and fifty pounds of jergens tanning lotion strapped to her back, so that if she does manage to survive the fall (and i pray that she does) she could at least keep up the one thing she had going for her (fake-orange-ish skin).

oh yeah, and brad should probably stop being such a pansy, quit while he is ahead, and go back to his job as a texan bartender...if texas will have him back (which is questionable).

okay so hold up. no i really am not a cynical-reality-tv-watching-critic-kind-of-girl. but i do have a legitimate problem with the bachelor...and here it is: quite frankly, it portrays girls as high maintenance, low IQ-ed, desperately insecure and pathetic morons that can be found at buy one get one free at the macy's cosmetic counter nearest you. they run around being psycho, slutty, and irrational. and in all honestly, it doesn't give guys a great name either. so why? someone explain. tell me i am wrong.

and sure, you can argue that it has a catchy entertainment value. but i'm not buying it.

sorry brad...i'm guessing that i'm not taking home the rose tonight.

this little tyrant probably isn't going to help my submissions to be the next season's bachelorette. hmmm. oh well.

this week i've thought a lot about the past.

dangerous, right?

and no matter how hard i tried to get it out of my mind, i could not stop thinking about jacob f.'s metallic winter coat.

seriously though. this coat made its debut in probably the 4th or 5th grade, and you better believe it was the talk of every girl from miss gilford's to mr. lowe's classroom. it was 'sexy'. and yes, i'm pretty sure that word was used.

...which was fairly taboo at the time.

it was one of those puffy insulated ski jackets that were just coming back into style, and it was that 'oh-so-bold-and-daring' metallic silver that all the girls goo-ed and gaw-ed over. it could be seen from just about anywhere. across the basketball courts, through the tetherball areas, all the way back to the old oak tree where the 6th graders would go and 'make out' (who even knows what that actually meant.)

that metallic darling was a looker.

and so was the boy in it (at least i thought so. once again, if you've forgotten who jacob f. is...he was my long-standing crush from the 1st-6th grade. it was so meant to be.)

okay, so maybe you're now wondering why i couldn't stop thinking about this coat. or perhaps you've forgotten by now but don't worry, i will explain.

see, this coat has become a symbol of sorts. a symbol of what the past is and what it means to me. it is a symbol of something so insignificant, that has remained a clear and reoccurring memory. it is a representation of the past that you may try to let go of...but has unknowingly become a part of you.

would i have ever guessed--out of all my childhood experiences--that i would have pinned the memory of jacob f.'s metallic coat as the one i would always remember?

certainly not.

but it is. because it means something to me, whether i realized it or not.

isn't it surprising, what information and images the human mind chooses to retain and to forget?

and equally as intriguing--what experiences are the ones that end up impacting us the most? the events that maybe hold no significance at the time...that perhaps we won't even realize the value of until years and years down the road?

so, is it okay to hold onto the past?

jacob f. was my first boyfriend.

he was the first experience i had with falling head over heels for a boy.

and this 'head-over-heals' infatuation lasted for all my years of elementary school.

that's just how i am. and for some reason, that metallic winter coat shines as a nostalgic beacon of lessons learned and experiences yet to be had.

i didn't know anything back then. for all i knew, my life was going to flow just perfectly. a.k.a. me getting married to jonathan taylor thomas (a-hunk-a-hunk-of-burning-luuuuv), having babies, being a mom and a seaworld dolphin trainer/modern day spice-girl rockstar.

hm. yep. that's basically my life.

seeing that valentine's day is almost here and i'm sitting here watching steel magnolias (one of my all-time favorite movies)....maybe i should have taken my dolphin training career more seriously.

actually, some of my most influential life lesson's have been pulled from this cinemark masterpiece... "repeat after me, 'there's no such thing as natural beauty"...remember that, or we're all out of a job."

thanks dolly.

as for the rest of my thoughts...

i like this picture of the giraffe at the window. and i want to formally apologize for forcing jessica to let me color her hair and change her make-up. i love you jess.

pepsi max is very decent (thanks aubs). and seriously...i am loving this slightly-warmer weather. i pray for summer everyday. oh, and i'm nervous. my new life begins monday. it could turn out to be anything. but i fully intend to make the very most of it.

i guess it's just not possible to fully let go of the past. the past is yesterday. and frankly, i am still affected by things that happened twenty-four hours ago.

maybe the more appropriate thing to say is that we don't have to hold onto the past. otherwise, we may never improve.

but feelings are still there. experiences are still had. and life still goes on.

so friends, cheers to the metallic winter coat.

and jacob f.

'fool enough to almost be it. cool enough to not quite see it. doomed. pick your pockets full of sorrow and run away with me tomorrow, june.' -the smashing pumpkins, mayonaise

p.s. the picture above is from a wall in my bedroom. likey?

p.s.s. want to see a genius piece of acting from the movie? click here (pretty sure she won awards for this)

Sunday, February 6, 2011

jessica. and the carmindy wanna-be.

sometimes i am an annoying friend.
and i force my old-roommates to let me color their hair and do their make-up.
(but if i do say so myself...i do a kick-a job.)
here i am doing jessica's make-up.
i used to dream of being carmindy on 'what not to wear'.
aubry then convinced jessica to buy these
rockin' jeans and darling shoes.

aubry is forcefully persuasive (don't tell her i said that)...
jessica looked super hot.
aubs and jess.
thanks for being a good sport jess.
we heart you.
you're smokin'.

GQ-ing it.

my top ten movie choices
for the month of february.
(also known as my "single and kickin' it--don't pity me" list of valentine's day movies.)

1. lars and the real girl.
this is number one for a reason. it's my favorite.
it's been a valentine's tradition for a few years now.
and no, it's not really about love 'per se'.
more about a delusional man who thinks he is dating a plastic doll.
but don't judge. watch it for yourself.
oh and bonus:
it stars our oh-so-beautiful GQ cover boy ryan gosling.
(pictured above)

2. what happens in vegas
how can you not love cameron diaz and ashton kutcher?
just answer me that.
'don't get hit by a bus. or do. whatever.'

3. 27 dresses
i love this movie because it kind-of reminds me of myself.
katherine heigl is a bit compulsive.
and a hopeless people pleaser.
and james marsden is charming as always.
the two together = perfection.

4. valentine's day
once again, we've got ashton kutcher on board (so cute).
along with a whole slew of other big names.
i hated it in theaters.
but love it now.
in a nutshell...jessica alba can't act, but what else is new?
bradley cooper is gay.
don't cry ladies. he's not that gorgeous.
patrick dempsey is a handsome doctor.
i guess he doesn't branch out much.
jessica biel. okay, okay...pretty hot.
oh, and taylor lautner manages not to morph into a werewolf.

5. pride and prejudice
i know what you're thinking. 'of course.'
but really. this movie is one of the greatest known to man-kind.
by writing this story,
jane austen
changed the expectations of every romance tale from
that point onward.
engraving the concept into every female's mind,
that falling in love with the arogant, conceded...overly-confident man
is the most hopelessly romantic way to go.
and you wonder why girls go for that type?
yup, i blame her.

6. the notebook
obviously, this is a classic.
plus, it's also starring our beautiful GQ man.

7. the devil wears prada
i'm not really sure why i like this movie so much.
becauase it really just makes me never want to eat again...
and spend a lot of money that i don't have...
on new clothes that i don't need.
all very bad things.
but i love it. so whatev.

8. music and lyrics
i never would have paired them together
but drew barrymore and hugh grant are a rockin' duo.
and cora hold's a dear place in my heart.

9. sleepless in seattle
three reason's why i love this movie:
1) it has seattle in it.
2) meg ryan--back when she was cool.
3) the soundtrack. seriously, kick-a soundtrack.

10. pretty woman
richard gere + julia roberts = best chemistry ever.
i dare you to disagree with that.
and...they always show it on tv
like everyday during the month of february.
it's a little-bit cleaner that way.

so there you go.
and if anyone would like to join me in watching any of these winners...
let me know.

happy lovin'.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

i can't go to taco bell. i'm on an all-carb diet.

the ladies and i are going out for a little
'girls night' extravaganza tonight.
that's right.
we're gonna eat. way too much.
then wish we could puke it up immediately after.
(we're not bulimic i promise.)
we're going to talk about all sorts of crap that has no actual value.
probably use the words 'cute', 'like' and 'so-totally'obsessively.
and use tech-savvy acronyms such as 'omg', 'bff' and 'thdn' (triple hottie double nottie, duh.)
and end our senteces with 'yeahhhhhh....'
(held out for an overly zealous amount of time)
or with the ever-so-popular question 'i know, right?'
perhaps then we will create a fuzzy pink burn book
full of raunchy gossip that we will then
distribute to the entire school in hopes of causing complete, jealous mayhem.
(experiencing a little 'mean girls' deja vu right now?)
yes, sir.
girls night. here we come.
(oh and don't you worry, i'll post some suuuper cute pics after.)

p.s. in honor of valentines day,
i've come up with a list of traditional 'i heart you' movies
(the one's that i usually end up watching alone on my sofa every february 14th)
i'll post those tomorrow.

oh. and the title is from mean girls. fyi.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

observations on life and such. by kris.

i don't care for that song. you know, that acoustic-ish-wanna-be-easy-lovin-we're-high-as-a-kite tune. the one that's on the radio once every twenty minutes. the rhythm of love by the plain white t's. yeah, its got no dice in my game.

i mean, i'll give it to them--hey there delilah did tug on my heart strings there for a five years ago. but just as quickly as it came, it faded...faded like a bad sunset (stole that from a rob lowe movie line. yes, i know. i know. i'm cool).

and personally, i don't see the rhythm of love doing anything more or anything less. i hear that song and i think 'lame'. yes, that is my exact choice of words. lame.

lame, being that kind of 'catchy tune' that will end up playing as partially worthless background music at some less-than-mediocre suburban water park in meridian, idaho.

the genre of music that should be thrown into the 'poser 34-D' clearance push-up bra bin at vikki secret's.

...the million dollar production of a piece of unoriginal artwork that is only going to catch i-tune's attention for a small and insignificant time, bringing in just enough money to get people to say cheese and smile for the camera...and then will take a deep, exhausting plunge into the dark pit of the music that we've all forgotten about and will hear maybe once again in the next five years during 'love songs after dark' on the slow and easy rock station.

and even then...probably change the station.

get my point? good.

my apologies if you like that song. but really go listen to it again, you might change your mind.

l.a.m.e. it's just, blah. i hate blah. give me something worth my attention.

also, whoever is responsible for the 'new road's to healing, pornography addiction' campaign...the one who decided to post the creepy sky blue colored billboards with the silhouette of the distressed couple on every provo/orem street corner...yeah, i don't like you much.

seriously, i get so turned off by your ads that it kind of makes me hate the color blue.

good cause. ineffective campaigning. and i'm in marketing, so i feel i have grounds to give my analysis here.

oh, and does anyone know if you can overdose on chewable vitamin c tablets? because i can't stop eating them.

after spending the majority of my winter either sniffling, coughing, sleeping on the bathroom floor to cut down the amount of travel time running to the toilet, or huddled over the humidifier...i decided to invest in some vitamin c.

there i was, standing in the vitamin aisle of the market when i had a flashback to my childhood. my mom always kept a costco-size vitamin jar full of chewable orange flavored vitamin c tablets in the house.

and oh-how-i-loved them. mmmm. i'm lovin' it (thanks mickey-d's)

so, rather than purchasing the adult type that you swallow (b.o.r.i.n.g.)...i chose the chewables. and yes, they are just as scrumptious as i remember. now all i need is a good movie, a bowl of popcorn and some diet coke. the vitamin c's will serve as my mike and ikes.

was it just me or was it a really emo day today?

just me? ok.

i couldn't stop listening to 'darker' more emotionally disturbing music. like dave mathew's 'big eyed fish' (sexy-dark song, with twisted imagery), 'of a broken heart' by zwan (mellow but equally depressing), 'given to fly' by pearl jam (listen to the lyrics. it'll getcha.), 'whir' by the smashing pumpkins (this one is kind-of saddening for my own personal attachment to the song), and crying by don mclean (title speaks for itself).

does anyone disagree with me that dark imagery can be very powerful? speak up.

i love music. what would we do without it? probably just roll over and die.

what would we do on those rainy, grey days without a little 'mmmbop' by hanson?

and sometimes, you just need one of those happy-go-lucky songs, because life is hard.

yes, it's a tricky little thing that life is. stellar observation huh?

betcha' didn't know that one.

you want to know why the world turns the way it does? why people are naturally inclined to do the things that they do? why existentialism exists? why i find it fascinating? why--whether you realize it or not--listening to the beatles 'here comes the sun' will make you feel a little bit better about matter who you are?

why? human nature.

we can argue nature. we can argue nurture. i don't really care, because the fact of the matter is--people are people.

i live by those three words.

in any situation, you can take what you have learned with your past experiences with people and apply it to the present.

it's the nature of human beings.

i once had a close friend explain to me the concept of 'falling short' in this mortal world. he told me it's because as human beings, we're designed to see how things can be (what our minds would consider close-to-perfect). this design is genius, because it allows for forward progression. without this foresight, we'd literally stand in one place not knowing how to progress or improve our lives. the downside is that we can easily visualize the 'perfection'...but we will never actually achieve it, because we are imperfect creatures. this leaves us forever falling short of the story-book lovin' that our mind creates for us.

after explaining this to me--he said, 'there is a gap in between what life is and what it could be.'

sad, right?

he continued...'and we are unable to bridge that gap.'

according to him, that is why the world is the crazy, twisted place that it is. that's why you can not find complete satisfaction in this life. the unparalleled brilliance of the human mind and what it can create, verses the permanency and actuality of being human.

harsh? yup.

true? uh-huh. of, course it is.

just the other day i was reading some of the philosophies of jean-paul sartre, (a french existentialist philosopher who i am currently crushing on like no other) i'd ask him to marry me, but he died eight years before i was born. and quite frankly, wasn't the most attractive thing that ever walked this beautiful earth.

but his beautiful mind made up for that.

he says, "man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does. it is up to you to give life meaning."

okay, so yes. there is a gap between the hills of utopia and the hills of reality (or california...we could ask lauren conrad about it.)

but so what? we can see that we're imperfect, and that's just who and what we are. imperfect freaks of nature who have the responsibility to look beyond that gap and make life something beautiful.

it's pretty basic, powerful stuff.

have you ever thought about how simple the functions of being human are? take for example, the act of one person speaking and another responding.

simple? basic?

that, in and of itself, is not difficult to understand.

but then take it to a deeper level. think of what is actually being said. word's mean something, right? and meaning evokes emotion, correct? and emotion then involves further action.

we can understand when others are feeling things we have felt.

like how bad it sucks to not feel wanted.

a lot of us can probably relate to that, right? maybe you've been dumped or left behind...or had your heart broken. maybe you feel you don't fit in. maybe you are lonely.

i hate all these things.

just last night i was talking to a friend about this. what he said rang-oh-so-unfortunately-true. i knew exactly how he felt. i actually had to stop myself from feeling the ache inside my gut.

he said, "i'm losing faith in it all (refering to love and relationships). all of it. it's become easier to just not care to begin with. then you won't hurt."

i could have cried for him, for me...for anyone who knows that feeling.

he said it. i responded. we formed a connection in that we share that emotion.

simple, i know. but it's something i think about.

as for tonight, i can't make any promises as to what will happen, what i am going to feel, or what the future will hold. but i will cling tight to the word's of my new friend (and infatuated crush) mr. sartre. and i will take responsibility for my life, for the things i feel, and the overall happiness i experience.

but probably not for how much diet coke i drink (or how many of these chewable vitamin c's i choose to intake).

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

my blue heaven.

it's now february.
and what do i have to say for myself?
for the month of january?

for starters, i am no friend of the january cold.
and the freezing-a morning walks to the car
that really can make a person want to lash out irrationally.

secondly, i can't manage to curl my hair and have it look decent.
loose waves. no. crimped waves. no. braided waves. no.
so i've given up.
please help.

third. i'm 100%. head-over-heals in love with this perfect space i have pictured above.
sleek, floral slightly retro chairs. check.
funky, eclectic artwork gallery. chhhhheck. ba-da-bing.

i could care less about valentines day.
nope, has nothing to do with being single or whatever my relationship status may be. i simply don't care. and don't need excess amounts of chocolate.

fifth...alone time can be therapeutic.
lots of time today to think. and i'm feeling very 'up' about life.
though my overly-positive, slightly giddy-ish and partially 'high' current outlook on life may have been caused by the more-than-sufficient amount of chemicals
i inhaled while sealing tile for six hours today.

diet coke. still good.
applesauce. mmmgh, good (and oh-so-refreshing)
olive garden salad. why can't i stop craving you?
seriously, stop.

seven, yoga class with aubster.
here i come.

eight. sometimes you just have to shake things off.
you can look back. you can think back. you can wonder. you can let old feelings haunt you.
and it going to make a difference?
shake it off, and move along.

nine. i like rental cars.

...and finally
. last but not least. number ten.
bring on february.
it's gonna rock.
my best friend's bachelorette extravaganza.
pete yorn in concert at the depot.
trips to las vegas.
birthdays and chocolate chip cookies.
hopefully more sleep.
hanging with my bff.
time with the cougs. lots of friend's episodes.
taking over the world.
of course.

p.s. title comes from smashing pumpkins song, my blue heaven.
all time favorite. look it up.