i'm here. another rainy night. my window is cracked open just a slight bit and it's filled my room with a rainy-fresh-pavement-ish-freshly-washed-laundry-kind-of-smell. speaking of which, i should probably fold those clean shirts.
my fruit punch gatorade to the left of me, partially frozen with small chunks of ice (mmmmgh).
and my bag of baked cheeto's to the right. i decided to mix it up from the baked lays this week. i'm trying to be spontaneous. or adventurous. or daring. or something along those lines of spicing up my life.
or shoud i say- in hopes of keeping life from getting too 'dangerously cheesy'.
which it can. if you're not careful.
without even realizing it's happening you could find yourself sitting in a third story apartment, with a giant chalkboard in front of you reading "to do- get bridesmaid dress hemmed at tailors, scrub/bleach bathtub, take back redbox, pick-up book for school and pack bag for weekend trip."
you'll take a sip of your fruit punchy goodness and realize. you haven't done any of those bulleted masterpieces as of that moment.
see, i have a love/hate relationship with "to do" lists.
i must have them. in fact, i make them daily. seriously. i do not miss a day.
the problem is, if i don't get them done then i go to bed feeling guilty, unsettled and depending on the "to do" load...possibly and probably stressed. eeek. yes, the word 'stressed' is an ugly one.
stress for me is a consequence of over-thinking.
yup, that's what i have pinned it down as. let's say something happens in life that maybe doesn't go my way. for example, my car has recently been having a lot of problems. it started with one and then just went downhill from there.
i then take that one incidence (like my car stalling) and decide (with no actual evidentiary support) that the car is finished with and that i am going to have to fork out some serious cash to go buy myself a new vehicle.
mind you, this is before i have actually had the car's issues diagnosed.
but really, why bother. apparently i'll diagnose the dang thing myself.
slight fever. runny nose. sore throat. yup, you're done for. might as well roll over and wait for the sweet release of death.
so as you can imagine, that stressed me out. when in actuality, it only took a few hundred bucks and my car was back to normal. healthy as a...camry.
over-thinking. that's my problem. but i as far as i know...there is no cure for it.
i mean, i'm still thinking about the vanilla-pudding-ish colored mini cooper that i saw driving past me today. really? pudding colored? who would do that...on any car really? let alone a mini cooper. i mean you're already pushing the limits of what's "cool" and what's not. why push it even further?
though i have been trying to get better about stressing. there is just too much going on around me that i could potentially stress about. and because of this...i've learned that you've just got to let some things go.
i've changed recently.
man, i am different than i was at nineteen. ha, i'm different than i was four months ago.
thus far, twenty-two has been such a crazy-a year for me. filled with growing experiences, harsh realizations, everyday struggles, and the constant exhausting effort of trying to piece this b. of a jig-saw puzzle together.
i can't imagine how radically different i will be by the time i am thirty.
at this rate, i may have animorphed by then.
(p.s. i'd like to take this moment to admit that i have 'love me' by justin bieber playing on youtube at this very second. come on, admit it. it's so dang catchy.)
like how people are people. and people will be people. no matter their age. no matter their station in life. no matter how much you try to deny it. patterns, cycles, responses, consequences. it's almost rhythmical.
the truths, like how rain is pretty sexy. it just is.
and as cool as my brother's mohawk looked, if the girlfriend doesn't approve it's gonna be nixed (but you definitely rocked it while it lasted dane).
oh, and how i am insanely-in-love with ralph lauren's western-metallic flare that they have going on for spring. they've done it once again.
and how business is business whether you like it or not. and the undeniable truth that life honestly is better when you love what you are doing.
and yes i admit that sometimes i subract a few pounds when entering my weight into the treadmill at the gym.
ha, no idea why. pathetic? certainly.
i guess i think by not entering my full weight on the machine i magically become lighter.
yup, those are the little truth's of life.
some, we don't really want to admit. some...like the fact that i stress all the time...just stick with us, and we have to eventually own up to them.
like adding items that you've already completed to your to-do list just so you can check them off...
p.s. i took this picture at the st. patrick's day parade up at the gateway in salt lake. i love parades so much. and i'm like one-sixteenth irish. so i'm hoping for some luck.