peanut butter is by far (like out-of-provo-past-spanish-fork-out-of-payson-all-the-way-to-mona-and-beyond far) my favorite food. seriously guys, it's killing me. i could eat it on almost everything. at any moment. all day long.
why is it so dang good? and so not healthy for you?
and why do i not care?
i eat it on wheat bread. i eat it on celery. i eat it on apples. i will not eat it with bananas. i eat it on spoons. i eat it with jelly. i eat it with toast. i eat it with chocolate. i eat it in a box. i eat it with a fox. i eat it here. i eat it there. i eat it everywhere.
okay, i'll stop now.
it's just such a steady part of my life. it's one of the necessities in my ability to get up and function everyday.
the basics: air. water. diet coke. peanut butter.
peanut butter is one of the simple pleasures that keep me stable and sane while enduring through weeks like these.
times of inconsistency. of blunt, ridiculously honest truths. and just learning to face the problems that are right in front of you.
all part of growing up. all part of blah blah blah. whatever.
and that creamy/crunchy (i'm a fan of both)-sticky-nutty goodness that saves my life.
oh, and quick sidenote: saw the justin beiber movie yesterday. i have just three simple words for you: never say never.
i went into that orem cinemark healthy as a horse (minus my defective gallbladder and undiagnosable stomach issues) and i came out burning up with the BEIBER FEVER! sha-za-za-za-zam.
seriously though. i'm not kidding. it sounds bizarre, but i left that movie ready to make some big life changes.
see it. you'll never regret it. never.
so aside from having a life-changing experience while watching a completely brilliant marketing/pr/publicity-money-making effort for a sixteen year old pop-artist (in 3-D)...i took a small hike by myself yesterday (it's been in the fourties and fifties up here in p-town. which is comparable to a druken-spring-break-vacation in cabo for the cougs. so we're really eating it up.)
no, i didn't take a hike to ponder or to contemplate...or in hopes of coming to any deep conclusions. i mostly did it because swimsuit season is approaching. rather rapidly...and i mean, with weather like this you better believe that the cougs are going to be sun-bathing by the time we hit sixty. gotta' be prepared. at least that's what the cougars say.
really i just try to fit in. that's all.
where was i? oh yeah, back to the hike. eh-hem. so...there i am, bandana tied around my forehead (poser alert. i admit i like wearing bandanas but in all honestly, i'm not that legit. i shower everyday and i will not rat my hair into dreadlocks) with my i-pod in, swagging along to some 'big empty' (which-by the way-is an invigorating song to climb a mountain to.)
and eventually, i reached the top and took a breath.
ready to head right back down, i quickly stopped to take a quick look out over the valley. and at that moment...that tiny little moment...a whirlwind, almost as chilling as the gusts of no-it's-not-summer-yet-you-silly-cougs wind that graced over the ledge i stood on, of left-over-unresolved-heart-breaking thoughts and emotions from my life destructively plowed through my mind.
it kind of hurt.
for a moment i wanted to cry.
it stopped. and i felt peace.
calm. quiet. understanding. peace.
why do we find enjoyment out of letting the wounds fester?
why do we dig and dig...and dig? are we bored? curious? looking for trouble? is it our desire for emotion? to feel something? anything? whether it hurts or brings us joy?
why can't we just be happy with what-is-now?
not what could be. not what was. but what is here and now.
my opinion: we're the generation of the greener grass.
always thinking about how much greener it is on the other side. the side that may not be ours just yet...but that could be.
oh-man it's a dangerous game.
it will kill.
we're always looking for what we don't have. looking for what is best. scared that though what we currently have in our possession might be 'good'...what is over there...beyond that dangerously fuzzy line of what we do and don't have...there might, just might be something even better.
this generation. this is us.
yup, we're driving ourselves straight into that grass. and soon that coveted green is going to be nothing more than some dead blades of over-looked opportunity and a front lawn that will never satisfy.
it's raining outside my window right now. it's late in the evening and earlier i took a bath. just one of those evenings.
sure, certain things i have figured out. some things, not so much.
there are things that i really suck at.
and then some things that i'm really great at (like eating peanut butter. nummmm.)
yeah, there are things that i should let go of.
and emotions that i shouldn't let linger.
things that may come to haunt me unexpectedly while standing on a mountain. there are things that i love. people that i need. things that i've lost. feelings that i've buried. people that i love. memories that i welcome--whether i should or not. there are issues that a struggle with. and moments when pride gets the best of me.
but really, it's all okay.
because that's life. we're not perfect. life is not perfect. and for those moments, we've got peanut butter.
and justin beiber...i was like baby, baby, baby oh...like baby, baby, baby no...i thought you'd always be mine...
it's going to be a good week, because i'll never say never.
p.s. i saw michelle from the bachelor at ulta beauty in sandy last week. ironically enough, it was just a few days after i posted some slightly-harsh observations of her, brad and her 'orange-ish' skin on this blog. my apologies. maybe that was the universe's way of telling me to be nicer. (but seriously, she really does have orange-ish skin in real life and i am so happy she got sent home.)