Monday, May 30, 2011

cortez the killer.

there is an episode of friends where ross decides to leave the fate of his marriage with emily in the hands a magic eight ball (nice, eh?).

ross is a keeper. ha.

basically, he's overwhelmed with the choice he has been presented with and needs someone to make it for him.

however, no one will.

hence the magic eight ball.

honestly. at this point in my life. i'm thinking that's not such a ridiculously-scripted-ross-based-idea. i'm thinking the magic eight ball and i could have a healthy relationship.

seriously, i'm about one more sleepless night away from hoppin' on over to the friendly-neighborhood-toys-r-freakin'-us and getting me one of those.

i've got a lot of choosing and deciding currently going on in my pretty little life and frankly, i'm tired of the constant stress and pressure.

in fact, today i came across a saying on some random cute-sy blog...."when it's all said and done. all roads lead to the same end. so it's not which road you take but how you take it."

oh. how cuuuuu...wait, what?!

i just about had a full on conniption fit right then and there.

of course it matters what road you take, moron.

my gosh.

for the love people.
what a dumb-a quote.

i'm sorry, but lets look at this from a 'real-life' perspective.

because i'm fairly certain that the road over there is going to lead me just south-of-option-#1-of-my-life's-optimum-station-in-what-i-love-very-most and that other twisty-turvy road is going to drop me out just northeast of being-the-thing-i-really-want-to-be-but-am-slightly-scared-of-becoming.

and then there is the road that is clearly the safest (i do love those roads).

and of course, i could also head left on the road is the by-far the most ballsy (tempting. very tempting).

and then there is option #5 that is stamped with the "parents-choice award".

and don't forget about the road unknown, where no promises are made and all things are new. which could also be refreshing.

seriously, no offense to the person who coined that ridiculous phrase, but...i'm pretty sure all these options are not going to spit me out in the same station of life.

in fact, i'm predicting (along with a 60% chance of rain) that i will end up in very, very completely different places, with different experiences and different people depending on which road i decide to take.

i was recently talking to a friend about our generation. how we thrive off of the dream of independence, freedom and mobility.

"i'm afraid to buy furniture," he said. "if i want to pick-up and move. then i want to be able to throw my stuff into a suitcase and go."

yes, there is that side of me. that side is in many of us.

we don't necessarily thrive off of the dreams our parents and their parents built their lives around.


yes, however.

there is a large part of me that does. a part of me that craves solidarity and consistency. a chunk of my being that wants to settle down and wake up next to a loving face every morning.

a part of me that wants security and establishment.

yup, it just depends on the day really.

so, what do you think? option a? or option b?

or one of the many, many others?


alright, it's time to go find myself a magic eight ball.

p.s. one day i will have a little girl. and i will make her room look just like this one pictured above. fair warning to my future hubby--i will go crazy over my children's bedrooms. my apologies in advance.

p.p.s. does anyone have any suggestions on music for this rainy day? i'm wanting something fresh and catchy.

p.p.p.s. i'm listening to some neil right now. hence the title of this post. i've said hence a lot today. that's suuuper annoying. sorry about that.

for a rainy holiday.

you've got to admit. beyonce has got it going on.

listen to that voice. completely raw.
thanks jay-z for sharing.

more info on this here.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

don't let me go's and sunshine.

"sometimes, i can't help but wish that someone would chase after me."
-every girl in the world

p.s. check out this song. and enjoy.
apparently i'm on some sort of 'sunshine' and 'blue skies' kick.
too much rain i guess.
p.s. i found this song on my friend nate's
music blog 'mellowds'. check it out here.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

blue skies.

it's a rainy sunday morning.

i've listened to this song probably ten times now. i enjoy the simplicity of it.

blue skies by noah and the whale.

a raw, folky, under-produced sound.

in a way, its sound is a lot like this drizzling, chilly morning. far-from-perfect but somehow serene in its grey-sky ways.

he says, "this is a song for anyone with a broken heart. this is a song for anyone who can't get out of bed. i'd do anything to be happy. cause' blue skies are calling and i know that it's hard."

honestly i'm banking on this being very literal.

because if i don't get some warmth and sunshine soon i may just take off for mexico. and you may or may not ever hear from me again.

blue skies, baby.

that is my wish for you. blue skies, up ahead.

to the passionate musician with his two small children and jar with three dollars in tips. blue skies, up ahead.

to the little boy who wanted to fly a kite but couldn't in the rain. chin up. blue skies, they're coming.

to the girl down the street that feels like giving up. don't. blue skies darling, they're calling.

to the one who is lost in darkness. alone and afraid. keep going, because there are blue skies just about here.

to the man who has had a dream or two fail. don't stop. blue skies are coming, my dear.

to the one with a very, very broken heart.

blue skies. they're coming.

and until then, i'm going to keep listening to the some soft music and the sound of the rain.

Friday, May 20, 2011

some music for the soul.

...passion or coincidence,
once prompted you to say
"pride will tear us both apart"...
well, now pride's gone out the window
cross the rooftops, run away...
left me in the vacuum of my heart.
what is happening to me?
crazy, some would say...
where is my friend when I need you most?
gone away...

duran duran, ordinary world
(click here to listen)

p.s. i am absolutely crazy about what is going on in this picture.
i am in love with the fabrics, the patterns, the woods...the window...
it's close to perfect.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

this is what i do.

first off, i want to begin by saying thank you.

this past week i have had multiple e-mails and messages sent my way regarding this blog. they made me smile (and blush)...that is besides the nasty-keen-hating-death-threatening-hate-mail (no, totally kidding. i mean, a few of you got offended over my 'michelle from the bachelor/jergens tanning lotion' comments a couple months ago...but i think we are all over that now. riggghhht?)

and let me just say, from the bottom of my wee-little-heart that those messages made my whole world light up.

you see, i don't necessarily write for other people's understanding. in fact, i always claim that i write to find peace and understanding with myself (i know, right? i am soooooo self-indulged. it's kind of ridiculous).

but when my writing happens to reach out and grab a reader in some way or another...

mmmgh. i love it.

so, thank you.

thank you for reading. and thank you for taking the time to let me know.

in the midst of this crazy-never-know-what's-around-that-sketchy-graffiti-coated-corner of a world, it's always nice to feel that kind of relationship with someone. whether you know them or whether they are a complete stranger.

it is the power of reading words written by someone else, that you too feel connected to.

that understanding. that you and i both know and can relate. whether it is life in general, or a specific experience...or just a cluster of words that i happen to put together and publish on the internet for the whole world to matters.

i write about life. sugar-coated. serene. harsh. painful, like an eyelash-stuck-in-your-eye-kind-of-annoyingly-painful. it doesn't matter the emotion, i write about it.

it is what i do.

i love words.

and more than words. i love finding ways to make them mine.

i know, again with the 'mine' stuff. selfish.

the good news is, i think my incessant-never-ceasing-itching-of-the-right-eye caused by my seasonal allergies has finally come to an end. thank goodness.

seriously, that was a downer stage of my life. i probably went through four perfectly good right contact lenses.

this is the point where i insert 'yes, lasik would be a great solution to my obnoxious eye conditions.'

and rest assured, i plan on one day taking that plunge. and by 'plunge' i mean letting someone scrape away at my cornea. but that time is not now.

i mean, where to even find the time.

i can't think of the last time i sat down for a meal or looked at a magazine just for fun.

in fact, yesterday (for lack of any spare time) i painted my nails in the car while sitting at red lights (not a bad idea, by the way).

it's funny, because somethings you can just 'push off' until tomorrow...or for another week in hopes of making more time, but beauty is not one of them.

i can't just decide to not do my hair until two tuesdays from now...or mark in my calendar that i can shower once i've completed my b. of a to-do list that will probably take at least nine days time to complete (i mean, i could...but i would be a greasy slice of oddly smelling female by the end.)

but honestly, i don't mind (frankly, i like my hair to smell nice).

i love beautiful things. my life is draped in beautiful, artistic, lovely scenery.

visual is my thing.

whether it is styling and directing for a photoshoot (one of my to-do's for tomorrow). or being creative with some industrial-chic interior design work (also a project i am very hyped about). or simply dreaming of one day buying raw, original artwork from the vendors on the streets of madrid (a slightly-fantastical dream that i have)...

i love it. all.

and one day, i'll perhaps have a home of my own.

i'll decorate it from front to back, top to bottom. probably with a room that looks something like the one pictured above (i'm a sucker for white walls, a sexy bookshelf and a fabulous jute rug). offer me those things, and i'm yours forever.

i can guarantee that it will be beautiful. not perfect but beautiful.

beautiful with people. beautiful with life. beautiful with family game-nights that turn into competitions paralleling in magnitude with the next world war.

beautiful with crayola-fied hardwood floors and tragically burnt lasagnas (i will one day learn how to cook well. i promise).

beautiful with birthday parties and free flying pinata bats careening towards windows.

beautiful with prom dresses hiked-up a little too high for their father's liking and shoes that make their legs look much sexier than an eighteen-year-olds should.


beautiful with age. and beautiful with loving. and learning. and all those sweet, sweet lullaby's.

and one day, i will wake up. twenty something years from now. and every care, pain and heartache that i once had back when i was twenty-three years old. just won't matter anymore.

because it is the beautiful that will last.

Friday, May 13, 2011


....this is a bit overdue
but not too long ago i did some album artwork

for an up-and-coming local band called the whits.
they released their e.p. a few weeks ago.
(front pictured above)

...and are currently competing in the 2011
stadium of fire talent competition (click here for more info)
and will be up for one of the top ten spots this weekend.
cool, eh?

check them out on i-tunes here.
visit their website here.
and find them on good ol' fb...the whits band.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

tell me about it, stud.

my week started off with a little bit of grease.

no, not from the cam-cam (my sexy toyota camry). and not from all the three-thousand-tons of mexican food i ate during the past seven days (though it probably has supplied me with enough grease to last the rest of my life)...but from the 1978 movie-musical-phenomenon.

john travolta and olivia newton-john were quite the dynamic duo.
no questions asked. they played the part of classic-clean-cut-charmingly-beautiful-australian-good girl and the bad-a-leather-jacket-wearing-all-american-hottie with total ease and conviction.

they rocked.

and trust me, i would know. i grew up loving that movie more than most. i knew its soundtrack better than disney's aladdin and the king of thieves. also a family favorite.

rumor has it that marie osmond was up for the 'sandra dee' roll back in the day. and as the story goes, she really wanted the part but ended up declining the offer due to the moral dilemma she felt the film presented.

moral, what?

i mean, come on. good girl meets bad boy (oh, those t-birds). she wishes he would just love her for who she is but ends up giving in at the end. saying goodbye to her clean-cut ways, she shows up to the end of the year carnival dressed as a new-bad-a-kind-of-woman, cigarette, sexy red heals and all (that's my girl).

it is then and only then that she finds true happiness with the man she loves.

moral of the story little girls:
yes, it is true. you should never expect to change your man. but by-golly, if you need to lower your standards for him...DO IT.

classy, eh?

oh. and what is with this scene? after danny tries to feel-up sandy at the drive in. pisses her off. and then starts singing about how he needs her with a hot dog cartoon playing in the background.

i mean, what? what is going on? what is happening?

why this movie is an all-american favorite is something i will never understand...but will forever be a part of.

to be honest, i hadn't seen the movie in years until i watched it about a week ago in st. george, utah. with my mom, aunt and grandmother. fun, eh?

seriously though, it was a freakin' hoot.

and the past seven days only went uphill from there. uphill from danny and sandy's epic morally-degrading love story.

this week taught me a lot. almost too much. i learned about life. about family. about death. about marriage. about priorities. about laughter. about emotions. and about myself.

i'm not sure of the exact moment when it hit me...perhaps it was laughing with my grandparents as we stood on their plot at the cemetery, inappropriately going to town with jokes regarding what we would write on their headstones. or maybe it was watching my mom and aunt laugh until they cried talking about the kardashians and the things you can learn from youtube (sad part is, they know more about the kardashians than i do. all i know is that they have massive boobs, butts and checking accounts.)

but whatever it was, it changed me.

it was a time for me to confide. to look beyond myself and see what is truly important in life. to admit my fears and understand my strengths. and face what weakens me.

one day, early in the week i took a long run. i ran for an hour or so. and then decided to run some more. i found myself climbing up red rocks, looking over the city, talking to a russian man in town for the ironman (i know right, all the way from freakin' russia)...realizing that something had to change.

why? because my actions as of late, are not complimentary to the future i am determined to have. the future that i want more than anything. the future that i temporarily forgot about.

this past weekend was mothers day. and i went to church with my mom.

we sat in our third hour meeting, listening to our darling bishop give a heart-felt meaningful talk on mothers. it was here, that all my experiences of this past week were sealed into one stunning, life-changing package.

he spoke of mothers and of family. he talked about losing his mother at the age of thirteen and the relationship he then formed with his sisters. the lesson was comical, emotional and all-around quite touching.

as he approached the end, he changed the slide of the powerpoint to a picture of his family now.

the room was silent.

he just stared.

and took a desperate breath through choking back tears.

this, he said. this is my world.

that's all it took.

i was humbled. and that was it.


family is what i want. my own, unique, beautiful world that i will call my family.

i want that (just like this).

yes. i want to stand by my hubby at the age of eighty-two and laugh about what we are going to have engraved on our headstones.

and at the age of twenty-seven i want to watch my one-year-old little boy run through the sand and explore at the ocean side.

when i am fourty-nine i want to joke with my younger sisters about how our butts are no longer the sexy-a's they used to be and how we are slowly losing our minds.

and the day my husband dies i want to stand over his headstone and know that i will soon see him again. that our love will not end with death. but live on forever and ever.

because family is my world.

the picture above is of my grandparents. they have a cute love story.

a smokin' hot surfer boy (really though, he was a looker) turned marine from southern california and your classic boston city girl, sassy, independent and beautiful. one whirlwind romance. five beautiful children. now twenty-something grandchildren. and four great-grandchildren.

no sandy and danny that's for sure (then again...he did wear leather and drive around a harley and she talkes an awful lot about them two going to watch the 'submarines race' late at night. ha.) but is everything to them

and trust me. you walk into their front room and ask about the six shelves on the wall lined with pictures...

you'll get a story or two about family. guarantee it.

i like that.

and in the words of sandra dee, 'tell me about it, stud.' watch here.

p.s. yes, i re-posted this post because blogger decided to have a little attitude and delete the post the first time...