Wednesday, May 18, 2011

this is what i do.

first off, i want to begin by saying thank you.

this past week i have had multiple e-mails and messages sent my way regarding this blog. they made me smile (and blush)...that is besides the nasty-keen-hating-death-threatening-hate-mail (no, totally kidding. i mean, a few of you got offended over my 'michelle from the bachelor/jergens tanning lotion' comments a couple months ago...but i think we are all over that now. riggghhht?)

and let me just say, from the bottom of my wee-little-heart that those messages made my whole world light up.

you see, i don't necessarily write for other people's understanding. in fact, i always claim that i write to find peace and understanding with myself (i know, right? i am soooooo self-indulged. it's kind of ridiculous).

but when my writing happens to reach out and grab a reader in some way or another...

mmmgh. i love it.


so, thank you.

thank you for reading. and thank you for taking the time to let me know.

in the midst of this crazy-never-know-what's-around-that-sketchy-graffiti-coated-corner of a world, it's always nice to feel that kind of relationship with someone. whether you know them or whether they are a complete stranger.

it is the power of reading words written by someone else, that you too feel connected to.

that understanding. that you and i both know and can relate. whether it is life in general, or a specific experience...or just a cluster of words that i happen to put together and publish on the internet for the whole world to see...it matters.

i write about life. sugar-coated. serene. harsh. painful, like an eyelash-stuck-in-your-eye-kind-of-annoyingly-painful. it doesn't matter the emotion, i write about it.

it is what i do.

i love words.

and more than words. i love finding ways to make them mine.

i know, again with the 'mine' stuff. selfish.

the good news is, i think my incessant-never-ceasing-itching-of-the-right-eye caused by my seasonal allergies has finally come to an end. thank goodness.

seriously, that was a downer stage of my life. i probably went through four perfectly good right contact lenses.

this is the point where i insert 'yes, lasik would be a great solution to my obnoxious eye conditions.'

and rest assured, i plan on one day taking that plunge. and by 'plunge' i mean letting someone scrape away at my cornea. but that time is not now.

i mean, where to even find the time.

i can't think of the last time i sat down for a meal or looked at a magazine just for fun.

in fact, yesterday (for lack of any spare time) i painted my nails in the car while sitting at red lights (not a bad idea, by the way).

it's funny, because somethings you can just 'push off' until tomorrow...or for another week in hopes of making more time, but beauty is not one of them.

i can't just decide to not do my hair until two tuesdays from now...or mark in my calendar that i can shower once i've completed my b. of a to-do list that will probably take at least nine days time to complete (i mean, i could...but i would be a greasy slice of oddly smelling female by the end.)

but honestly, i don't mind (frankly, i like my hair to smell nice).

i love beautiful things. my life is draped in beautiful, artistic, lovely scenery.

visual is my thing.

whether it is styling and directing for a photoshoot (one of my to-do's for tomorrow). or being creative with some industrial-chic interior design work (also a project i am very hyped about). or simply dreaming of one day buying raw, original artwork from the vendors on the streets of madrid (a slightly-fantastical dream that i have)...

i love it. all.

and one day, i'll perhaps have a home of my own.

i'll decorate it from front to back, top to bottom. probably with a room that looks something like the one pictured above (i'm a sucker for white walls, a sexy bookshelf and a fabulous jute rug). offer me those things, and i'm yours forever.

i can guarantee that it will be beautiful. not perfect but beautiful.

beautiful with people. beautiful with life. beautiful with family game-nights that turn into competitions paralleling in magnitude with the next world war.

beautiful with crayola-fied hardwood floors and tragically burnt lasagnas (i will one day learn how to cook well. i promise).

beautiful with birthday parties and free flying pinata bats careening towards windows.

beautiful with prom dresses hiked-up a little too high for their father's liking and shoes that make their legs look much sexier than an eighteen-year-olds should.

ha.

beautiful with age. and beautiful with loving. and learning. and all those sweet, sweet lullaby's.

and one day, i will wake up. twenty something years from now. and every care, pain and heartache that i once had back when i was twenty-three years old. just won't matter anymore.

because it is the beautiful that will last.

3 comments:

  1. Sometimes when I read your blog, I wonder why we weren't better friends. Sometimes it almost makes me shake my fists at the heavens in fury.

    Come decorate my barren apartment.

    Also, Lasik is a dream come true.

    Also, keep writing. You have a very unique way with words that is both refreshing and... well, it's just you. And I appreciate that.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Aubs.

    And Nate, I too wonder why we were never better friends...we really should have been. However, I am very happy that you have continued reading my blog. Thank you :)

    And seriously, next time I am in Florida...consider your apartment done. I am just slightly obsessed with decorating.

    I really hope you are loving it down in Florida.

    P.S. I would love to talk again this week!

    ReplyDelete

from keen.