how do you know you're growing up?
how do you know that you are no longer a kid?
does it just happen one day?
one day when you realize that you would rather hang out with your grandparents for the weekend than the tragically hip 'up-and-coming-name-dropping-know-every-cool-cat-around' boys of provo.
or perhaps the day when you realize you're perfectly content with eating your delicious chicken tacos alone, with your own thoughts, musings, and time to ponder...
that salsa is num-num-a-freakin'-num-num.
maybe, it is that night when you have a sleepover up at your parents house with your best friend. twenty-three-years-old and you still lean on each other for an escape from the craze of a singles race that you'd rather not be a part of but are forced to run in. faster than you would like.
at times you sprint. at times you burn out. and you lean on each other for the same comfort you knew when you were fifteen.
it could be, that you know you're grown up when you fall in love.
and it doesn't work.
and then you fall in love again.
and maybe, maybe that doesn't work either.
so you fall in love again. and when that doesn't work, by now you've learned to cry about it. vacuum up the pieces. maybe save a few of them. hope for the best and move along.
eh, growing up?
i'm thinking it is a responsibility thing. when you start taking full responsibility for your own life, your own actions, mistakes, troubles, personality flaws...
when your realize that you too are a very difficult human being. that you are not perfect. you are tough. and you are often at fault.
or maybe it's when you start using websites like mint.com (p.s. i recommend that site to everyone. and their aunt. and their neighbor's cousin. because that website rocks my world.)
responsible, eh? ha ha.
having a website monitor all my finances because really...i'm just not very good at it. these are times when i love technology so freakin' much.
maybe it's when you wake up to an empty house. because all your roommates are in lake powell. so you clean the filthy-on-the-brink-of-being-a-health-code-violation kitchen that you rarely-if-ever use and vacuum your over sized family room. fluff the pillows. bleach the counters. dust the gross, hard-to-reach-places just like mom would do. the places you would have tried to brush past unnoticed when you were a teenager.
it could also be that afternoon you spend at the pool, and you just can't stop noticing how damn cute all these little two year-olds running around in the kiddy pool are.
especially that one little guy. with the bright-as-can-possibly-be blonde hair, the big blue eyes, and the perma-smile that never leaves his charming little face.
and you want that.
so, which is it? when can you officially say, 'yup, i'm grown up.'
i'm not really sure.
in the words of gus from lars and the real girl (one of my favorite parts of the whole movie)...
when asked by lars how he knew he was an adult he responds, "well, it's not like you're one thing or the other, okay? there's still a kid inside but you grow up when you decide to do right, okay, and not what's right for you, what's right for everybody, even when it hurts...
...like, you know, like, you don't jerk people around, you know, and you don't cheat on your woman, and you take care of your family, you know, and you admit when you're wrong, or you try to, anyways. that's all i can think of, you know. it sound like it's easy and for some reason it's not."
for some reason, it's just not.
but one day, one day maybe i will just know.
and then again.
maybe i won't.