it is now late september.
and i am writing to you from the lawn chair in my backyard. shorts, tank top, tanning lotion and all.
it’s eighty-eight degrees out.
and yes, it is fall.
does anyone else see anything wrong with this picture? i mean, yes--i am out here. shamelessly soaking up some rays. attempting to salvage any remaining glimmer of my rapidly depleting tan.
setting that aside, i am willing to admit that it is not right.
my sweaters are feeling neglected. and bored. just hanging there on my portable clothing rack.
and my tall leather boots are seriously suffering in their dark corner of my stairwell closet. it is almost as if my breezy summer wardrobe is mocking them. taunting with the fact that they are the pieces that are still being pulled out and worn...even though technically it is no longer their turn.
but it is not my fault. and it is wrong.
you know what else is wrong?
coming home to find your family dog has passed on.
correction. you know what else is wrong? coming home to a longtime family dog that is now dead and watching your little brother tear up as the news is broken to him...
hold on. one more time.
you know what is wrong? coming home to a dead family dog, and listening to your bad-a-tough-football-playing-never-shed-a-tear-little-brother and your father--who you have seen tear up maybe a total of four times in your entire twenty four years--both earnestly cry over your lost family pet of thirteen years.
and within moments. you find yourself in tears.
not sure if you are breaking down in mourning for the death of your dog or if it is a side affect the overwhelming sadness of seeing both your brother and dad cry.
wrong. so wrong.
and you know what else? that's wrong....?
how bad things happen to really, really good people.
see, i know a lady. we work together. and we are friends. and she doesn’t know this...but she is one of my hero's in this whirlwind of a life.
this woman is truly one of the most genuinely kind, loving, and optimistic people i have ever met. seriously, ever.
this woman will smile through any heartache. through any trial. through any ass-kicking circumstance that life throws at her.
and unfortunately, this week was not good to her. enough that hearing about it made me want to cry. and yet, she remained as if nothing...absolutely nothing could make her think less of this life. and of all the blessings she has been given.
i can’t even express how humbling this has been to me. me--with problems that basically revolve around me. me--the girl who is not married, has no children, no house payment and no other mouths to feed.
me--the twenty-three year-old that lets herself get distressed over the ‘potential’ of her future not going the way she wants it to. and gets all twisted up about ‘possibly’ having her heart broken again.
i deserve the problems my little friend is facing more than she does.
and that is the truth. that right there is not wrong.
yup, that is why she is my hero. and that is why seeing bad things happen to insanely good people feels so wrong.
also, wrong. seven dollars for a loaf of gluten free bread.
ha. hell, no.
let me explain.
see, i get this call from my doctor (after having a series of allergy tests done again. and after waiting two weeks for the results because dr. so-and-so decided to take a crazy long trip to the caribbean) and he tells me that in fact, i do not have celiac disease (a complete allergy to gluten) but due to low antibodies-yada-yada-yada-something-i-didn’t-really-understand, have a gluten intolerance and would probably do better if i stayed away from it.
so, being the good girl that i am. i decided to give it a test run. two weeks without gluten. perhaps it would improve my stomach condition.
and then bam.
there i am. standing in the ‘gluten free’ aisle and my favorite grocer--smith's marketplace (oh yeah, and for those of you who aren’t familiar with the ‘gluten-free-scene’. everything. and i mean pretty much EVERYTHING but unprocessed fruits and vegetables--and some dairy--have gluten in them. and being that my body can’t break down lactose, that pretty much leaves me eating rabbit food and whatever the ‘gluten free aisle’ has to offer. which is basically nothing at outrageous prices).
$6.99 for a loaf of gluten-free bread.
i mean, come on doc. i am a pick-up-whatever-muti-grain-wheat-bread-is-on-sale-that-week-kinda-girl. for seven extra dollars of bread every week, i can suffer through a stomach ache or two.
plus, i really don’t want to be ‘that’ girl. the one that is so annoying to take out to any restaurant because i have to drown the waiter with questions of what ingredients are in what dishes and after twenty minutes of deliberating, end up ordering a plate of raw vegetables and a side of fat-free, gluten-free, everything-good-in-this-world-free vinaigrette.
no. no. no.
i just can’t be that girl.
besides. with my new goal to be like my optimistic co-worker, i figure it would be unhealthy to give up my weekly trips to kneaders for a hearty chocolate chip cookie.
instant happiness in $1.25.
i’m telling ya.
overall, i guess we could find a lot of things ‘wrong’ with this fun-little-spastic-world.
like fifty-seven-year-old creeps with overly tanned skin and pearl-like, razor-sharp, slightly-frightening veneers. and stares that honestly make you wonder if you’ve been raped or can still get away if you run fast enough.
like the surprising numbers of douche-bags you can catch staring at themselves in the mirrors on the gold's gym walls.
kind of entertaining. but wrong.
like this photo. and the story to go along with it.
it gets me every time. seriously, just started crying while looking at it.
wrong, like how this story popped up on my front page of cnn today. front page news people. this world, really?
so, yeah. there a lot of things that are not right. and sure, i could continue to point them out. ha.
but. more importantly.
there are so many, many things that are right.
and if we ca not understand the bad. we can never appreciate the good. a lesson i learn repeatedly.
and there are times, like this week. when i am feeling a tad-bit overly emotional. and find myself questioning over and over again...why so many things seem bad or wrong...(and no, beautiful weather during the fall doesn’t really count--and expensive gluten-free food really doesn't matter--that is just me being my sarcastic self.)
and then i remember the words that president gordon b. hinckley once said...
“It isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don’t worry. I say that to myself every morning. It will all work out. If you do your best, it will all work out. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us.…If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers.”
yeah. that pretty much sums it up.
i'm going to stick with that.
because it's true. it isn't always as bad as it may seem. and if our heavenly father is on our side. then at the end of the day--when all is said and done. it'll work out.
and it's all going to be so very, very right.
p.s. i'm obsessed with this song right now. thanks george ol' boy.