okay, maybe not never. there was probably a time when i was a young, bright-eyed-princess-dreaming little girl that i may have believed in such things. scheming up scenarios involving prince charming and his white stallion. coveting after all the outfits and glass slippers he came with in the disney-barbie-princess-party-set.
suspicious, really. 'prince charming' looked a lot like the ken doll (to-this-day i can't figure out why the mattel/disney design peeps couldn't get more creative with the male dolls)
but time quickly taught me otherwise.
i firmly believed that there were many men out there that could be a match for me. and held that same standard and formula for everyone.
hearing anyone mention the notion of being 'meant for each other' was slightly uncomfortable for me. i looked at it as naive and dangerous. because in my mind, the idea of soul-mates was more of just a fantastical concept born of old-school, fictional romanticism.
just a pleasant thought really. or a simple dream to let myself dream of on those nights when i needed to renew my faith in the whole idea of love and marriage.
nah, i never believed it.
finding myself in a new, slightly-frightening but overly exhilarating place was life-changing in and of itself. i was absolutely engulfed in a heated romance with a new city, fresh people, and a mindset of utter freedom.
people became more than just a figure. or a resume. or a potential suitor.
they became individuals with stories, experience and gifts to offer society. i was blown away by how different my views on living had become.
expecting nothing from others, i refused to 'sum' them up, and embraced each and every one of them for their beauty, quirkiness, and edge.
god had given me a unique opportunity.
i didn't plan on wasting it.
in my fury of absorbing everything and anything--on a rather ordinary san francisco evening--after being teased by the co-workers for actually putting on make-up and doing my hair in a way that didn't involve a padre's cap--- i found myself walking out of our office building on 5th and market, turning the corner into a small city alleyway, and watching his tall frame step out of that black bmw.
we had met before, but just briefly.
his features were striking. more-so than i remembered.
greeting me with one of the most charming and inviting smiles i had ever known, he politely opened my door and gestured for me to slide in.
thank you. i managed to say in a nonchalant, but aggressively-flirtatious way.
i remember that moment. the smell. the feeling. new car. new person. new experience.
oh, the memory is so clear.
like yesterday. like a beautiful, perfect yesterday.
the cafe on knob hill seemed smaller than it actually was.
the host led us past the front room, which consisted of a sleek wine-bar. lined--that wednesday evening--with several hump day dreamers just passing off on the american dream. elegant wine goblets set in front of them.
our waiter directed us to a back room and seated us at a quaint table. barely large enough for two. placed next to a window. the city was lovely that night. a cold, but calm evening. no fog or homeless in site (rare for san francisco)
the scene was damn close to perfect.
had i somehow fallen into one of those cheesy romance-easy-reads that i'd often buy in airports during-delayed-layover-desperation but secretly really enjoyed?
the kind with the tall, dark handsome man with the career and personality that no one could resist. the ones that you scorned at for being fictional?
the dream continued as we began our first dinner chat.
his face was new to me. a beautiful new.
i observed, mesmerized and intrigued as he talked about his job, traveling, living in the city--making fun of himself as he shared stories that made me laugh and fall hard for his sincere, eager eyes.
he put me at ease.
i talked too. open and honest. unguarded. extremely uncharacteristic for me. rare that a stranger could make me feel so at home.
who was this man? where had he been all my life? (cue rihanna)
this handsome face. sweet nature. and protective instincts.
hell, it didn't take a lot for him to rope me in.
the night ended with a sweet and perfect kiss. and believe me, giddy doesn't even begin to adequately describe the state i found myself in as i snuggled into bed that night. it was a new feeling. something i truly had never felt before.
a feeling of ease. of not being afraid. a feeling of being completely 100% me. and be loved for it. a feeling of confidence in what the future held. all mixed into one, warm and whimsical emotion.
from that night on, we struggled being apart.
some would call that first date a success.
others might say it was a truly fortunate coincidence. a matter of being in the right time. in the right place. with the right people.
and though i agree with all these things, i believe it was much, much more.
heaven's plan for two individuals, destined to be together. in a time when they were both ready, willing and anxious.
so, there you are. hella chessy and eatin' my own words. i've officially made a full circle from those early days of playing with prince-charming-barbie-ken and dreaming of that one-and-only.
thirty-two slow dances and two-thousand and fifty-six i love you's later (i guesstimated on those), i found myself standing on a bridge. a ceiling of lights strung above me. in one of my favorite places on earth-- with him.
'i left my heart in san francisco' playing in the background.
my best friend. the love of my life. my reason.
the man that exceeded all of my expectations and trumped over anything i have ever dreamt up on my own or read in a some cheesy romance novel.
kneeling right there in front of me.
finding that one may be a matter of the right time. and having the right mindset. being ready in a certain phase of life.
if you're like me, it will go against all other plans previously made.
but when that moment of clarity comes, it should be easy. it shouldn't be a fight, toss-up, or guessing game. it should be a fact. like so many people had told me over the years--when you know, you truly do know. it won't be a question.
and though i know it works differently for everyone, i truly believe that last statement.
with all of my heart.
whether it's a foggy west-coast city full of kookie-ass people. or just down the street from the home you've always known.
it'll be that one.
the one you choose to love forever.
“He is exactly the poem I wanted to write." - Mary Oliver